You Are Loved

Feeling alone is one of the worst places to be. Feeling alone in your marriage can be excruciating. One can think, “I am married. I am supposed to feel loved and cared for, and yet, I feel alone and hopeless.”

What is a woman to do?

You love your husband and would never want to say or do anything that hurts him or puts a dark cloud over his reputation. And what if he’s a leader in the church? You definitely don’t feel safe going to your pastor or even his wife. So, you remain silent. You try to be the best wife you can, but you feel lonely. You feel discouraged. You feel like no one understands. You feel like you can’t talk to anyone.

I get it.

“Under three things the earth quakes, and under four, it cannot endure: under a slave when he becomes king, and a fool when he is satisfied with food, under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, and a female servant when she dispossesses her mistress.”

– Proverbs 30:21-23

We are not supposed to feel alone and unloved when we are married. The “earth quakes” at this.

I receive emails from women who feel this way and it breaks my heart every time. Here is one such response, I thought it might help others not feel so alone and offer help.

Dear Wife,

I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine how painful this is. Know God is there with you and does not want you to be abused or mistreated in any way. I do understand you want to preserve your family. Which is completely understandable. 

Have you tried talking with your husband about how you are feeling? Sounds to me that boundaries are in order here. The book “Boundaries” by Townsend and Cloud is a great resource. Some of the books I quoted in “The Intimacy You Crave” would be a great resource as well. 

Therapy. Get some. Please. I myself am in therapy and it helps me greatly. If your husband would go with you—even better. 

God can fix this. I too got married really young. Sounds like your husband has some emotional issues surrounding intimacy. You can’t force him to get help, but you can get help for you. It’s okay to say no to him with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. 

Not to sound trite but I believe the Bible is the best book to turn to. Cling to it and ask God for direction. Be in your Word daily and seek Him diligently. I am not trying to sound cold or trite, but I too have had challenges in my marriage, every time I cried out to God, He came through. We are going on 40 years now and it’s like heaven on earth. My husband is my safe place. 

Feel free to continue to reach out. 

You are loved. You have value. 

Praying for you…

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.