Words That Can Kill Your Marriage

Sometimes I choose to say and do the most destructive things.

It all started with being really excited. One of my grandkids has a birthday coming up, and I found the perfect gift. Instead of ordering it myself I wanted to share the thrill with my husband—I didn’t just send him the one perfect gift—I sent him three options, thinking it would be fun to talk about said items.

I told Mike, I sent you gift ideas, can you order the first one? So much for conversing over “the thrill of picking a gift.” Okay, that was dump move number one.

A few days later a gift showed up in the mail. He ordered it without questioning me.

When I opened it, I said, “What’s this?” Dumb move number two.

Mike said, “It’s the gift you wanted to get.”

I said, “That’s not the one, I told you to get the first one.” Dumb move number three.

Mike, “That was the first one of the ones you sent me. Sorry, I guess I looked at it wrong.”

I said, “Oh, well, that wasn’t the first one, that was the last one.” Dumb move number four.

He made some kind of grunt noise.

I continued, “This is the wrong thing.” Dumb move number five.

Then, my husband being the noble above-board man he is just ordered the “first one” on the list.

Later that day I began to think about my words and what I did. I looked into my husband’s eyes and said, “Can I talk with you for a second?”

He said, “Sure,” and gave me his attention.

I took his hand, “Honey, I am so sorry. I was totally wrong. I was the one who wasn’t clear on what I wanted. But then, when the gift arrived, I blamed you for doing it wrong, when it was totally and completely my fault.”

Mike said a simple, “Thank you,” and the matter was dropped.

Why had I pointed the finger at him when it was my fault?

So often it is easier to blame someone else for our mistakes. This was my mistake, and I blamed him, which is a very unkind thing to do to anyone, let alone the love of your life.

Now, this is a silly story—although it probably didn’t feel silly to my husband—but it points to how we can use words which can be very destructive without even realizing it.

And what are the words that can kill your marriage?…

You are doing it wrong.

Anytime we say to our spouse with words or actions…

 You are doing it wrong,

…we are killing our marriage one dumb move at a time.

Thankfully there are words which can help override these destructive words…

And they are, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. And on preorder Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 0-4. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.