Why Your Man Channel Surfs and What You Can Do About It

I had been sick the entire week. My husband insisted I stay planted and rest to get better. I read, listened to Ted Talks, and watched TV. When I am sick my husband is all about action…He cleans, he prepares, he cooks, he makes lists, he runs to the store, he moves and moves. It’s his way of taking care of me and it’s very sweet. Sometimes I just want him to sit with me and hold my hand, but that doesn’t feel sufficient for him and he feels like he needs to go into action. Over the years, I have learned to appreciate this as a sign of him loving me and to sincerely thank him.

He actually enjoys taking over the household and running the show. I even think he likes kicking me out of my kitchen.

So, by the end of the week when I was feeling better, and he finally decided to plant himself for a brief rest and channel surf, I was not going to complain or object. Initially, I felt a bit irked, as soon as I’d begin to get into a program that’s exactly when he’d change the channel. Then I reminded myself of the previous week and decided I’d be the biggest crumb of a wife to try to intervene during one of his shut down times.

“Why do you like to channel surf?” I asked, “really, I’m not upset, I’m just curious.”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. I am looking for the best thing to watch.”

I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g.

We women go about this process completely differently. At least I do, maybe some of you like to flip around, but not me. I know what I want to watch before I turn on the TV. I mean isn’t that the way it’s supposed to go down?

Why do our men like surfing for the best option?

First, let me state the obvious: men are different than women. (No eye rolling, please.) Men like to hunt, they want to find the best, they like the challenge of looking. Who are we as the women in their lives to deny them of this hunt? If you love your man, let him hunt!

Many scientific studies have shown that a man’s brain and a woman’s brain are wired very differently. We can either fight it or go with it.

But what do we do if the hunting goes a bit overboard? How do you deal with not being able to weigh in on this surfing madness?

Give him some time to hunt and then ask for a landing. If you want to have a shared experience maybe give him some time to flip and then ask if there’s one stop you can enjoy together. It’s a reasonable request.

Give him something better to do. No explanation necessary here.

Go find something else to do. Another option is to leave him alone and go find a book or call a friend.

Hang out with him and keep your mouth shut. Sometimes this is the most loving option. Just hang on for the ride. It can be fun if you have the right attitude. I wonder why he stopped there? I wonder why he changed at that point? What is he looking for exactly?  

Start a dialogue about desiring to watch shows together. It can go something like this: “I understand you enjoy flipping around the different shows, and I am happy to give you time to do so. Is it possible to watch programs together sometimes? I’d really like to settle on shows we can watch together. Do you think we can do that?”

At the end of all the TV flipping settle in on thankfulness that he landed on you and stays put there. Remind him daily—with loving actions—that his choice in choosing you was the best choice he ever made.

Fondly,

Lu

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