Why Doesn’t He Do What I Want?

If I’m being 100% honest, sometimes—okay often—I just plain want my husband to do WHAT I WANT. I get something in my head and I want things to play out just as I’ve got it imagined in my fairytale world. And of course, I have a story to go with this theme.

I was looking for a little celebration from my husband—I wanted encouragement, I desired praise.

I have been working diligently to finish the manuscript I’m working on for my book soon to be released in 2017, From Me to We: A Pre-Marital Guide for the Groom and Bride. After months, I finally finished!

C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E!!

I told Mike, “I think I’m done, I’m ready to turn it into my publisher.” I can’t tell you what he said, I don’t really remember, but I can tell you he didn’t respond the way I WANTED HIM TO. I mean, this was huge for me! He could have at least done a little dance, or screamed, “WOO HOO,” or said, “Wow, you’re the best!”

But he didn’t do anything remotely close to any of those appropriate responses.

What I perceived as his lack of enthusiasm really ticked me off! I decided not to respond but to sit on it for a while…and well…brood. And I went into my bedroom to get ready for work. As I started playing out scenarios of how I was going to talk to my husband about my feelings—and his lack of enthusiasm and encouragement—I remembered back to a text response my son-in-law, Kyle, sent me that morning.

Let me set the context:

I had been up late the night before working on my manuscript until 2:30 am, and then, got up early to work more in the morning. I had a writing question for Kyle but I had to wait until after 9:00 am to text him. Why you ask? Well, you see it’s because he and my daughter do not like calls or texts before 9:00 am, and so I had to wait. Patiently. Okay, not so patiently. I wrote out my question, and then, waited until 9:01 am and hit send.

I got this text back from Kyle:

“Your poor husband.”

Three simple words.

Your. Poor. Husband.

It made me laugh. But as I continued to stew and craft the perfect words to let my husband have it! I began to think about those three words. Your. Poor. Husband.

Side note: Kyle is a brilliantly talented writer, and he will be starting a blog soon. You’ll definitely want to follow him.

Kyle, graciously answered all of my questions. Did you notice the “s” there? Yes, I had more than one question. And after he got a succession of rapid-fire questions he sent another text.

This text read, “Ughhh. Shoot me in the head.” Again, I laughed.

Are you getting a sense that I can be a real pain in the… neck?

I continued to think about those three words again.

Your. Poor. Husband.

My husband had put up with me for months of “focused writing.”

He gets up early and empties the dishwasher, straightens the living room up, and sets my Bible next to the chair I sit in for my time with God. (I make sure to do the dishes each night, because if I leave them for the morning, he’ll do them.) When I tell him not to worry about those things and that I can take care of it, his response to me is always the same, “This gives you a fresh start. It clears your brain, so you can write and create.”

When I tried to go back to brooding, instead, I thought about how Mike never complained when I worked late into the night, or when I didn’t have dinner ready, or “forgot” to do the laundry…or various other things.

Wait, there’s more!

He even gets my lemon water ready each morning! Yeah, it’s true! Wow, I’m beginning to sound like a real [you fill in the blank]. He helped me with the printer when I couldn’t get it to work, he proofread my manuscript, he brainstormed with me over ideas, he listened to me talk about what I was writing, and he pushed me to do the best work possible.

Then, it hit me… and hard!

HE HAD BEEN CELEBRATING WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

Oh no, I think I’m the idiot here! I finished getting ready and went out into the kitchen to talk with him.

“Can I talk with you, please?”

“Sure.”

I took his hands, “Honey, thank you!”

“For what?”

“Thank you for all the help you’ve given me along the way to write this manuscript,” tears began to drip down my cheeks, “straightening up the house each morning, proofreading, being so understanding…(the list went on). I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.”

His smile said it all, as he said, “You’re welcome.”

My poor husband. He’s a champ putting up with me.

Sometimes we need to look at things from the other person’s perspective.

Until next time, be kind to those you love.