Why Do Men Cheat?

His phone was left on the kitchen counter and that text came in.

You find an earring in his suit pocket and you know it’s not yours.

Victoria’s Secret undies fall out when you open the glovebox of his car.

Devastation floods through your body. Hurt. Betrayal. Crumbling.

It’s every married woman’s nightmare.

We all know someone who has either cheated or been cheated on.

Why? Why do they do it?

Here are some reasons men give:

• Revenge- he wanted to get back at his wife for something they deemed unfaithful or where angry at something she did.
• Neglect- he felt ignored, pushed aside, minimalized.
• Opportunity- he saw an opportunity and took it without considering the consequences.
• Adventure- his wife wouldn’t try new things in the bedroom and he wanted to explore.
• Alcohol- he allowed himself to become intoxicated and “couldn’t control himself.” 
• Blame- “she [his wife] let herself go.”
• Lack of intimacy- he felt justified because there was a lack of “activity” at home.
• Self-esteem- he needed to feel appreciated.
• Ego boost- he liked the feeling of being wanted.

Now don’t shoot the messenger here, I know none of these are valid reasons. However, they may be able to tell us something. If we look at it as merely information perhaps we can allow these “reasons” to teach us a little something about relationships, love, and men.  

We all need connection and love. God made us with the desire to be connected with others. If we were to some up all of these “reasons” I’d narrow it down to one word.

CONNECTION.

He sought out connection. Let’s face it, all affairs begin with a connection.

People don’t just say, Hey, do you wanna…?

Okay, let’s go…!

It never starts like that. Affairs start with a connection. The coworker gave him extra attention—and it felt good. The friend needed to talk—and he felt like a hero. He felt lonely—and sought out someone to talk to. It usually starts quite innocently. And then, a connection is formed.

CONNECTION.

Cheating is all about the person doing the cheating. They have become discontent with the person they have become and look outside of themselves to make what they think needs to be better. And unfortunately, some men think they will find it in the arms of “another woman.” But instead what happens is devastation and destruction.  

What can we learn from some of the clues within the “reasons” men give for cheating?

We need to be connecting with our spouse. Men who feel connected and appreciated and loved are way less likely to cheat. THAT WAS NOT AN EXCUSE in any way, only a suggestion for greater intimacy within our marriages.

What men want:

To feel desired- I want you, all men love to hear that.

To be appreciated- thank you, honey, thank you.

To receive an ego enhancer- you are the best, you are my hero, you rock!

Connection- he wants to feel alive and loved. (Don’t we all?)

The next time he approaches you for some “fun” remember his deepest desire is to connect with you. He longs for connection. And connection through physical intimacy will not only cement your marriage it will leave you both feeling loved and cherished.

In the busyness of life, take time to connect in your marriage.

Fondly,

Lu

Want an extra steamy marriage? Order a copy of “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes” or “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.