When Your Teenager is Driving You Crazy

“Let’s not become discouraged in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not become weary.” (Galatians 6:9)

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched my son, Tim, open the church service in prayer at the mega-church where he’s one of the pastors. Now, that seems like a silly thing to have one be so emotional about—There goes Mom getting all oversensitive and crying again! —but if you knew the backstory you’d understand.

When you’re raising kids everything you do seems like an experiment. One never knows what the long-term effects of our decisions will be until we are way past the time of decision making. Oh sure, we may be able to get them to comply to our “rules” and it may feel as though things are either a tornado or taking a stroll down Candy Cane Lane but the end goal of a functional adult human doesn’t come until many years later.

And just before our kids’ emersion into adulthood comes the teen years—these critical years just before we launch them into the world. What happens during these years will set the pace for the relationship will be have with them as adults. Many fail to think about that. There’s something about a teenager that can try your last nerve and force you to dig into self-reflection.

But does it have to be such a fight?

It was the teen years I thought back to when I watched my son with humility and confidence stand on the stage at his church. My daughter-in-law had sent a link to our family and I watched with a friend, with pride and tears.

It took me back to one night when Tim was a teenager…

Me, and my 3 kids were seated around the dinner table, without Dad because he had to work late, and I asked Tim to pray. He agreed and as we all put our hands together and bowed our heads, instead of a prayer Tim told a joke. Now, this was a critical point, I could have gotten mad and reprimanded him, but I didn’t, I laughed along with my kids. We tried a second time, and Tim played around once more. And then, a third. In between each “prayer try” came more joking and playing around. This went on for about 30 minutes at which time dinner was way past cold. I stayed the course and waited for him to pray seriously. I didn’t fully understand his making prayer time into a comedy show but somehow I knew I needed to treat him and the situation with grace and love. Anger would have taken me miles away from where I wanted to go. I waited. I laughed. I persisted, we wouldn’t eat until our dinner prayer was done respectfully and with reverence.  

Then, finally Tim said a serious and very good prayer. And we all ate dinner. Our cold dinner, thirty minutes later, after the comedy show. As I look back it’s one of my fondest memories now.

Seeing my son, as a pastor, praying, jet me right back to this night years ago. Not knowing what God’s plans were for him at the time, no clue he would one day be a pastor, and to see him serving our Lord in this way brought tears of joy and overwhelming thankfulness.

The teenage years can be very confusing for us and for our teens. We may not always understand why they are making the choices they are making, and we may not always agree with all that they do. But if we travel the teen season with understanding, a huge heap of grace, and an overabundance of love we will be the example of Jesus in their lives.

“So then, be careful how you walk, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” 

– Ephesians 5:15-17

Want more from Lucille Williams on this topic? Order a copy of “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.” For marriage tips “From Me to We,” and “The Intimacy You Crave” can help you get the relationship you dream of. And for little ones Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6.