When Your Child Tells You They’re Transgender
It’s a boy! From the time of birth we identify our children as either male or female. Along with that label our society has very distinctive roles each gender must adhere to.
What if your child doesn’t fit into what society tells us is a typical boy or girl? Does that make them transgender and therefore “born the wrong sex”?
God tells us in Genesis 1:27: “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him: male and female He created them.”
Does God make mistakes? Oops you should have been a girl! God decides our gender. And yet, many have claimed from very young they knew “they should have been a different sex.”
Are these people lying?
Certainly, they feel like this. Who would lie about that? Unfortunately, most keep their feelings a secret. Children are left to deal with deep and confusing feelings alone.
It saddened me to hear Bruce Jenner say, “I was a lonely little boy.” And also said he was a “lonely big boy.” Would Caitlyn Jenner now say, “I am a lonely big girl”? I wonder if transitioning to a girl has taken away the loneliness. I wonder if it has taken away all the confusion. I wonder if it has taken away the deep sense of despair.
I sincerely hope that it has.
“When children who reported transgender feelings were tracked without medical or surgical treatment at Vanderbilt University and London’s Portman Clinic, 70%-80% of them spontaneously lost those feelings.” –Dr. McHugh, former psychiatrist in chief at Johns Hopkins Hospital
Much of the shame a child feels for “feeling different” inside starts with our society and the role that was placed upon them. How do we respond as parents when our son wants to join his sister and play with dolls? How do we respond when our little girl wants to cut her hair “like a boy”?
What if our child doesn’t fit into what society says is the norm? Do we tell them they are wrong to have those feelings?
If we as parents ever tell our kids that their feelings are wrong, chances are they will not share their emotional battles with us. We need to cultivate an environment where our kids feel safe sharing any thought or struggle they have.
Our kids need to feel our love unconditionally.
Parents, make sure your home is a place your kids can talk about ANYTHING. And. I. Mean. Anything.
I have seen many jaws drop by words that came out of my kids’ mouths. I didn’t care. Judge me all you want. But my kids knew they were free to voice what they wanted. Free speech was a right in our house. Along with free speech came freedom to share feelings. One of my daughter’s favorites was, “I hate you!”
Would you rather they think it and not say it?
What if your child is experiencing feelings they are embarrassed about or that our society says is wrong? Can they talk to you?When they communicate struggles, they need to know that you are not “disappointed” or love them any less. They also need to know that “feelings” are not wrong.
Actions can be wrong, but feelings are never wrong.
Which brings me back to kids “not feeling like they are in the right body.” Whether kids or adults, most of us cannot relate. I don’t think we can begin to pretend to understand the bottomless anguish one must feel in these circumstances.
Anguish like a man who now calls himself “One Hand Jason” after cutting off his right arm with a very sharp power tool. And apparently there is a name for this – Transability. These people feel as though they should be disabled.
Whoa! What?
Will cutting off a body part be the answer to all your sorrows?
In an article in Daily Mail Online by Jay Akbar about Walt Heyer (who went from a man to a woman, and then back to a man, and now acts as a counselor) states:
“Walt claimed the regret can be so severe that post-operative patients end up self harming, and even committing suicide.”
Unless we have gone through this ourselves we cannot understand this kind of confusion and pain.
BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT IS VERY SIMPLE TO UNDERSTAND.
God calls us to love.
God commands us to love others. We are all saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8). God does not love us based upon what we do or don’t do.
When we get to heaven we will not be asked, “What sins did you commit?”
When we get to heaven we will not be asked, “Are you a man or a woman?”
There is only one question that will matter when we die. Did you know Jesus Christ as Savior?
When we die and stand before God the only thing that will matter is if we made Jesus Lord.
As Christians we are called to first love God and then to love others. How well are you loving? Do you love your children unconditionally? Are you focusing on the majors? Don’t be derailed by the minors. The absolute most important thing we can teach our children is to love God. After that everything else will fall into place. If we model God’s love it will spill over and on to our kids.
“But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” -1 Corinthians 13:13
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/124565455@N07/17091215620″>Confessione Choc In Diretta Tv Di Bruce Jenner Patrigno Di Kim Kardashian ” Sono Una Don</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>
