When To Call It Quits
In the earlier years of my marriage when the subject of infidelity came up, I would voice that was the one thing I couldn’t bear. Who could possibly stay with someone who is unfaithful? Who could possibly stand by when a spouse is having fun elsewhere?
Teasing…
gruffness…
forgetting to pick up the milk…
long hours alone because work got in the way…
fights…
anger…
silence…
disappointment…
we’ll work it all out.
Infidelity?…
your “stuff” on the front porch.
Now, I have officially changed my tune. I feel differently. Call it older and wiser—or hopefully, wiser, but I have completely changed on this issue.
Why?
Perhaps it was one of my biggest fears and an empty threat vehemently claiming “stuff on porch,” when really, I just wanted another layer of pause.
I declared unconditional love, but if love has a stipulation is it really unconditional?
Do you call it quits when infidelity is involved?
I mean Jesus did say, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9, emphases mine).
But does it say in that case you can leave? Does it?
How about we let the theologians debate that one?
My point…where does unconditional love come in? Certainly, unconditional love requires us to accept all of a person, don’t you think? Even the nasty parts and failing parts and selfish parts.
If ever a husband or wife steps out of their marriage, if nothing else, it’s a “we” problem. And something a couple can work through together.
And why have I changed my mind on this issue?
One reason is due to all the couples over the years I’ve seen overcome and have victory after a spouse stepped out. But the main reason is because I love my husband unconditionally. I’m in it for the long haul. Whether that haul is light or unbearably heavy or excruciatingly painful, I’m in until the end.
In the past, I had decided that if I started each day with the resolve that I’d be the best wife I could, then, I did my part.
Maybe true unfaithfulness is not loving another unconditionally? Just maybe?
How about you?
Have you had to deal with this issue?
What would you do if you did have to deal with this issue?
I am thankful beyond measure that I have not had to deal with infidelity in my marriage.
In fact, my husband has never ever given me reason even to question that.
Perhaps the safeguard is treating our spouse the very best we can each and every day. Not pointing the finger at what mistakes have been made, or rough edges that need chiseling. That’s God’s job anyway. If we focus on being the best version of ourselves, and loving all out, we can inspire others to rise to their best.
When is it time to call it quits? Hopefully, never.
And let’s remember that forgiveness started with God forgiving us.
I’d like to invite you to pre-order my book, From Me to We: A Premarital Guide For the Bride- and Groom- to- Be at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, and Christianbook.com. It will be out very soon, April 1st in fact, and if you pre-order you’ll have a copy in just a few weeks.
Thank you, Friend!
Fondly,
Lu
