When the Church Hurts You

We’ve all heard this… “Church is full of hypocrites.” I’d have to agree with that statement because I know I’m a hypocrite and I’m in church each week.

Definition of hypocrite:

1  : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2  : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her beliefs or feelings

*Merriam-Webster

Looking at #1 – I’ve felt the pressure to “act a certain way” and therefore be seen as a bit more virtuous than I think or know that I really am. If we are all real honest I think we’d all have to comp to that. Makes me think of Romans 3:10-12, “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no none does good, not even one.” (ESV)

And #2 – I’ve acted in ways that I’m not proud of and have felt it like a gut punch later. “For I do not understand what I am doing; for I am not practicing what I want to do, but I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:15 NASB). The apostle Paul understood this well and was open about his struggle.

So yes, there are hypocrites in church.

And there’s also hypocrites in the world. There are also people who steal and lie in the world, too. There’s narcissists and ego maniacs and critics. Along with those who are self-centered and ruthless and hurtful.

We have all kinds of people in this world.

And we have all kinds of people in the church. What’s in the world will show up in the church. People are in the world and people are in the church.  

Unfortunately, people in the church will sometimes act like people in the world. We like to think this won’t happen in our churches, but sadly, it does.

We don’t like to admit that yes, sometimes we have unkind people in church, but we do. Let’s face it, we all can be unkind on our worst days, and some of us have our worst days while we are at church.

What do we do? Stop anyone who’s having a bad day and tell them to come back to church next week? We don’t allow real people in this church, go home, and come back when you can be like us and look like us. No, church is for everyone. And if one is having a bad day church is exactly where they need to be.

People will hurt us.

Most of us would have to agree that we’ve been hurt by our spouse or our closest relationships the most. When we are close to someone they have the propensity to hurt us most.

Why would church be any different? Because there are people there. People who are hurting and working on their own journey and struggles, which we usually have no idea about.

God does not like seeing His children hurt. Just like any parent, we don’t like it when our kids hurt each other. God doesn’t like it either. But God loves us no matter what. And we need to remember church was God’s idea.

Church is a place we can worship together…

“And let’s consider how to encourage one another in love and good deeds, not abandoning our own meeting together, as is the habit of some people, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

– Hebrews 10:24-25 NASB

Church is a place we can help carry each other’s burdens…

“Brothers and sisters, even if a person is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you are not tempted as well. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

– Galatians 6:1-2 NASB

Church is a place we can have community…

“Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.”

– Romans 12:16 NASB

Church is a place to show and receive love…

“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”

– John 15:12 NASB

So, what do you do when the church hurts you?

First, consider how you may have hurt others.

Next, recognize that not every church is for everybody. Yes, church—the overarching church, as in, all churches—is for everybody, but the right church for you may be different than the right church for your neighbor. Why do you think we have so many churches? And they are all a little different. Just like families and people we are all different, and that’s okay. And it’s okay to find the right church for you.

Will you be hurt? Yes, most likely you will because in close relationships we can hurt each other.

Please understand I’m not advocating hopping from church to church.

Finding a place you can worship and get plugged in with God’s people is important, just like the verses above show.

God loves you and wants the best for you and wants you to have community and to be part of a church body that glorifies Him.

If you’re willing to sit next to a hypocrite like me, we can do our best to glorify God together, with all of our weaknesses, shortcomings, and rough edges. Together. Forgiving and starting over and loving each other the best we can. Loving each other as God loves us.

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books on marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. Have kids? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace or Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.