When Others Let You Down

When was the last time you were counting on someone and they totally let you down? My first recollection of being totally baffled and dumbfounded by someone who I thought I could trust and count on was when I was five years old. There was a teenager in my neighborhood, actually it was a male teenager, which makes this memory even more bazar, who when I’d see him I’d run and jump and he’d catch me and twirl me around. This happened every time I saw him. Then one day we were on the school yard and I saw him.

Excited I took off running and jumped…only this time he didn’t hold out his arms, and I fell to the ground. I can still remember looking at the asphalt in disbelief. Why hadn’t he put his arms out? Why did he let me fall? I thought I could count on him catching me.

Looking back on it now, perhaps he had friends surrounding him and was more interested in looking cool than being playful with a little five-year-old.

I recall being totally confused and disappointed. But I also recall even as a little five-year-old that I couldn’t always count on people. They would let you down. And literally in this case.

Okay, this was a silly catch me before I fall silly kid thing. But what if the person who seems to have let you hit the ground is your spouse? What if you were counting on them and they didn’t come through? What if you’ve hit the floor and can’t seem to understand how they could let you down so hard? What do you do?

I know in my relationship when I feel like I am left spinning on asphalt and scratching my head there are steps I take to pull myself up. I begin to ask myself a series of questions.

• Am I seeing the situation wrong? There are always many ways to look at any situation. Our perspective could very well be inaccurate.
• Am I being too sensitive? I know for me, some days my feelings can be hurt very easily. If I’ve allowed myself to dwell on not so positive thoughts I tend to be more susceptible to feelings of disappointment.
• What might he be thinking? When we look at the perceived offense from the other person’s angel we may see a completely different view.
• Were my expectations too high? We all make mistakes. We are all just human. When we look to a “human” to fulfill all of our yearnings and desires they will let us down at some point.
• Does this require a conversation? Oftentimes all it takes is a conversation to understand the others perspective. Many times we will find that we were looking at it totally wrong and it was our perspective which let us down and not the person.

I think at the end of the catch me when I jump relationship game we need to begin with an understanding that our spouse doesn’t wake up in the morning intending to hurt us or let us down. Most want to be the hero who saves the day—every day. It all starts with giving our loved one the benefit of the doubt. We need to pass everything through the filter of, “I know they wouldn’t want to hurt me or let me down.” When we begin there the likelihood we’ll end up spinning on the playground concrete goes down significantly.

Extend the grace that you yourself want to receive.

Fondly,

Lu

Lucille Williams is the author of “From Me to We” order a copy today. Be part of our grace-filled community and put your email address in the subscribe button.