When Conflict in Marriage is a Good Thing
My husband was driving and it was stressful. It had been an emotionally charged morning having gotten some rough news and my husband was dropping me off at a conference I was going to be doing a workshop at. Okay, I’ll be honest, we had some conflict getting to the Convention Center. The title of my workshop was Balancing Marriage, Family, and Ministry. Try talking about that after getting into a conflict with your husband.
As my workshop began I encouraged questions, comments, and interaction from the group. I had an hour and fifteen minutes, come on, who likes to be talked at for an hour and fifteen minutes? One of the first questions/comments was from a beautiful young lady who was attending the workshop with her husband.
She said, “We lead a ministry and often I feel totally unqualified because we have conflict in our marriage ourselves. In fact, we had a conflict THIS MORNING before we came here.” A tear rolled down her cheek.
To which I replied, “Me too! I had a conflict with my husband on the way here and we’ve been married for 37 years.”
I felt so relieved to be able to share that and recognized it as God using all things for good. Even conflict.
I wish I could have had more time with this young lady. I would have talked to her more about the misconception that in order to be useful and effective in ministry we need to be almost perfect. If this were the case none of us would be doing ministry and I definitely would not have been leading a break out.
There are two scenarios that put couples at the greatest risk.
No Conflict
Not to have any conflict in a marriage can be a huge red flag. I mean, are either of you breathing? Or is one of you not expressing your needs and desires? Anytime you put two people together some form of resistance is natural. Now, I’m not suggesting all out fights—that’s not good for anyone. However, couples will have clashes now and then which don’t have to turn into shouting matches.
Conflict Without Resolution
This is probably the most dangerous of all conflicts. When couples have conflicts which cause hurt feelings and deplete ones love tank it puts the marriage at risk especially if there is no resolution. Each fight pours more and more hurt on the relationship until the couple is buried in hurt, anger, and resentment. Left unchecked to build and build it will put the marriage on a very thin foundation. It’s like jumping on layers of tissue paper, at some point there’s going to be a tear. The next thing you know you’re staring at a judge and asking yourself, How did we get here? Please don’t let this happen to you.
This is the scenario that creates a happy thriving marriage…
Keeping this verse in mind:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
-Romans 12:18
Conflict With Resolution
Some form of friction is inevitable. When you have two people who can talk and breathe and feel there will be clangs now and then. But they don’t have to be damaging. If you can approach conflicts with love and respect and work toward resolution peacefully it will only strengthen your union. You have to be willing to go the distance and work at finding solutions which benefit the marriage and enhance your connection. Everyone wins. Especially your happily-ever-after.
Heavenly Father, help me to be the spouse I need to be today to uplift and build my mate. Help me to respond in a loving manner even when I’ve had my feelings hurt. Lord, give me a marriage which honors and reflects You. In Jesus’s Name, Amen.
Lucille Williams is the author of From Me to We and The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes. Subscribe to LuSays today and get weekly encouragement.
