“Tips” for Him: What Men Want and What She Wants You to Know

Have you ever wondered, What is she really thinking? Have you ever felt confused about your fun time? Reading this will give you a window into things many women are hesitant to say to their men. If nothing else, perhaps this will open dialog between you and your beloved, enhancing adult nap time. As you read, keep in mind every woman is different and there is no one, surefire way for all. Having said that, are you ready for your quick tips to better and more frequent naps? Short and sweet can sometimes do the trick…or not.

Read on…

Congratulations on being open to a female perspective– that alone indicates you most likely have a pretty good love life. Perhaps you’re already a sexual dynamo and want to up your rating to super dynamo. Good for you! Or maybe she isn’t interested in a good roll in the sheets as much as you are, and you’re looking for ways to keep her more interested. Maybe your secret truth is you have not had any fun in a really looong time. Whatever your reason, you’ve taken a huge leap to enhance your love life. Bravo! Bravo! I’m giving you a virtual standing ovation and a high-five!

Okay, let’s get right to it. Because I know you want action, and I’m going to help you get there.

What She Wants

First, I’d like to tell you a bit of a secret about women. We don’t always know what we want. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone. We women can be very finicky when it comes to bedroom rodeo.

Perhaps this has happened to you:

You have a magical encounter. You’re thinking “I got this,” only to discover when you try to recreate your homerun…you’ve bunted. It just dies in the dirt.

Wah wah wah.

You felt confident, you ramped up your sexy beast, and in you roared. The “magic” was going to be recreated, but instead you were left feeling confused.

What women like during one marital congress session could miss the mark on the next. Yup. What we like can change from session to session.

I can hear you lamenting, “Why?”

“Whyyyyyyy?”

News flash: There are no steps. In fact, if you fall into steps or patterns, you will put her to sleep. Or she’ll pretend she’s asleep to avoid you.

And, you most certainly don’t want that.

So what now?

Understand she needs “intimacy” too. It’s just a little different for her, and her body doesn’t work quite like yours; no doubt you’ve noticed. Unlike you, it’s not as easy for her to keep adult nap time on the top five of her priority list. It comes in after washing her hair and finding the perfect jeans. Yes, a little joke. But, you can nudge it up her priority scale with a few tweaks. Keep reading!  

It’s your job as her husband to introduce her to the best time possible. You can do it! Are you ready for some tips?

Bring the sexy beast, super hero back and let’s go!

Prime the Pump

Or better yet, prime the princess. She is your wife. She is delicate and precious. Remember you chose her above all others, and she is your most precious gift. If she feels cherished she will be more responsive to you in the bedroom.

This is your first Romeo Mission: CHERISH HER!

I can hear you screaming, “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! I thought this was going to be about the bedroom!” I promise you, we will get there. Like a car, we need to start by turning on the engine. If you follow these simple, sexy hints, she may jump you before you even get to the last one.

How nice would that be? Do I have your attention?

Hence, in the spirit of starting the engine, remember to H.E.L.P.

H.E.L.P. her be more interested:

• Hugs – Embrace her often. Lovingly putting your arms around her and holding her close will make her feel safe. Take note, I’m not talking about a big hug as you lure her into the bedroom. Please, let’s not be cavemen! You want to be a gentleman, right? Embrace her, hold her close whenever possible. Three times a day is a good number to strive for. Hint: The safer she feels, the more romantic she’ll feel toward you.

• Easy – Look for ways to make her life easy. Or easier at least. In other words, assist her. Lend a hand when you can. My husband makes our bed daily. Every time I pass his handiwork I get a jolt of “energy.” Throughout the day, I think about him with endearing thoughts. Don’t miss this: Stepping in to help paves the road to the steamy stuff. Try it. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. Find one thing every day you can lend a hand with to make her day easier. Done!

• Listen – Listen to her talk. Yes! Listen. Allow her to be heard and understood. It is very simple. Can you give her 30 minutes? Ask her a few questions and then listen. DON’T TRY TO FIX HER. Just listen. If you can do 60 minutes, you’ll be Superman to her. My husband consistently schedules time to talk with me. I’m not lying when I tell you I can’t keep my hands off of him!

• Praise – Find ways to compliment her often. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her you appreciate her care and attention to the children. Tell her she makes you feel like the luckiest man in the world. Praise her. Leave her a note of appreciation. Send her a text in the middle of the day letting her know you’re thinking about her. Express your love…with words. Be creative. Lavish her with words of praise.  

Senses

Capitalize on the power of her senses.

• Smell – One of our strongest senses comes via our nose. How you smell can either repel her from you or make her want to breathe you in. Make sure she likes the fragrance of cologne you wear and all your man-products. I shouldn’t have to mention this, but for the sake of Mr. Super Macho out there, take a shower and keep your breath fresh. Enough said.

• Touch – Let’s talk about your hands. You’re going to be using your hands so, make sure they are primed and ready for action. Cut your nails…toenails included. Nothing ruins the “moment” like man-claws. They can hurt gentlemen-  keep’m trimmed and neat. Also, buy some lotion for your hands. Keep them as soft as possible. I know some of you have jobs which require you to get your hands dirty, and may cause your hands to be rough. Just do the best you can to keep them clean, and some good quality hand lotion can go a long way. My husband’s hands are not baby soft at all—he’s known to pound a fence and build decks at home—but he keeps them from becoming like sandpaper. Big hint: Sandpaper and sex don’t go together for women.

• Sound – Share your soft side. When she understands how she affects you emotionally and physically, she will be more likely to stay in gear and interested. Most women don’t understand how sex deeply affects a man’s overall machismo and self-confidence. It’s your responsibility to convey that to her.

When It Gets Hot and Heavy

It’s at the point where you’re both up for some fun– in your bedroom or wherever…

You jump in hands first and go for it! Ahem… FOUL! Nope, back it up Romeo! There are fewer things more irritating than being grabbed at too soon. Most women would sooner have a mammogram than be groped prematurely.

Get her warmed up first. Kiss her lips. Kiss her neck. Kiss anywhere. Ask her where she likes to be kissed.

Touch her all over. Find out where she likes to be caressed the most and focus there. Caress her arms, legs, back, softly…find out what she likes.

Try different things, but don’t do the same thing every time. Change it up. Change the pace. Change the intensity. Go slow…but move along.

Discover what ignites her, but remember, you most likely need to change it up for next time. You want to be unpredictable. Check in with her later to find out what she liked.

When she’s ready to move on. Pay attention to her signals, she’ll let you know. But if she doesn’t, then ask. That’s right, just ask her.  

Take your time. Move slowly. Don’t stay on one spot too long – move it along Charley – unless it’s her “magic spot.”

Take control. No fumbling around. Have a plan and execute it well. A woman likes a man with a plan and with gusto.

Use your words. Speak up. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s sexy. Tell her how she makes you feel. Let her know you’re enjoying what she’s doing to you.

When you know she’s ready for Mr. Happy, take action.

If you climax and she hasn’t, you’re not done. Time to “get creative.” Focus down under. Unless she instructions you not to.

In either case hold her. Hold her. Tell her you love her.

Don’t be a one trick stud. Change it up. Add in candles, bubble baths, showers, lotions, oils. Change positions, locations, times. Be creative. Ask her for suggestions even. Every woman is different, and you’ll need to learn yours.

Above all: Remember this is about enjoying each other and spending time together.

Happily Ever After

Be sure to talk with her about your love excursions. Find out what she likes and dislikes. Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t like something; it’s not personal even if it feels like it is. This is a team sport. Work at it together. Sail after sail, wave after wave, it will get better and better. Two become one, and love grows deeper with each journey.

Make sure she doesn’t think you’re merely checking off a list to “get some.” That would only put the stud back in the stable. Be a loving, doting husband because you love her and want to be a good husband. Be genuine. When a man loves his wife unconditionally, he puts love into action. Be a sensitive, loving, and giving husband, because that’s what you are called to do after you said I do.

Try these tips and see what happens. What do you have to lose? And if you really want to ramp things up, get her a copy of my book, The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes. You’ll be glad you did.

Happy parallel parking.

Are you engaged or newly married and want to safeguard your marriage? Order Lucille Williams’ book now “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be.” Already married and want to keep the passion alive? Order a copy of “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes.” For regular updates give us your email in the subscribe button. Have a question or need a speaker? Contact Lu today.