Three Points to Being Thankful at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the time where we focus on thankfulness and what we are grateful for. That comes easier for some than for others. Sometimes this festive season can be more difficult for some with hurt and past memories creeping up or the reminder of current circumstances which may include big losses and disappointments.

This can be the time of year where we get caught up in our own circle, our own little world, and can sometimes leave kindness behind and forget to think of others.

I witnessed this in church this past Sunday. Which is the last place you expect to see unkindness, but unfortunately it happens. (To give you context, the church is very large and there are many seats with enough room for all worshipers.) A lady walked in alone and sat on an end seat two rows ahead of where I was seated with my husband waiting for church to begin. Another lady in that same row, two rows ahead of us walked over to the lady sitting alone and told her the four empty seats on the end were saved and asked her to move. I was shocked and wanted to get up and “in Jesus’ name, address the lady who told her to move” but I remained quiet. After all, to have said anything would have been me being unkind to the lady who asked her to move, and that wouldn’t have been a good idea. Instead, I looked at my husband and raised my eyes and he nodded in understanding having witnessed the same rudeness. The worst part is no one ever came to occupy those four empty chairs. I call rude!

The lady who moved didn’t seem to mind one little bit but it impacted me in a huge way and propelled me thinking about this “thankfulness season” and kindness.

We have no idea what other people are dealing with during the holidays and an extra dose of kindness can go further than we think.

Thankfulness starts with kindness.

First, it starts with us. We first need to be kind to ourselves to that we can pass that kindness on. Let’s face it—those that are mean are usually unhappy and hurt. Hurt people hurt other people. You’ve probably heard that before. To choose to be grateful and thankful is a choice to be kind. It’s a snowball actually—thankful, kindness, kindness, thankfulness—what comes first? Does it matter? Choosing thankfulness is choosing kindness for ourselves.

So, at the start of each day begin with the decision to be kind to yourself. I often say to myself when I wake and begin my day, “I’m going to be nice to myself today.”

In a practical sense, here are three points of what this looks like:

• I don’t say mean things to myself about myself. If I wouldn’t say it to my child or to a friend, I don’t say it/think it to myself.

• I make choices that bring me joy. This may mean taking time to read a book or do a deep study in Scripture or be creative and write or go outside and enjoy the sun.

• I think of others that bring me joy and reach out to them. Joy is contagious and being around others who fill my heart is one of the kindest things I can do for myself.

To sum it up, I care for myself like I would/did my precious children and focus on being kind.

Second, deciding to look for what we can be thankful for will fill our hearts with love and gratefulness. A heart filled with love and kindness and thankfulness has no room for grumbling and complaining and sadness. Thankfulness and hatefulness can’t occupy the same space.

I once met with a young wife who was struggling to be kind to her husband. It had gotten quite hopeless for her and she was disappointed in herself and didn’t know how to climb out of her discontent and disdain for her husband. I advised she start each day with a list of five things she liked about him or appreciated about him. I told her to stop beating herself up for feeling like she did and just focus on what she can be thankful for about him. Over time her heart changed.

When we focus on what we are thankful for and, list those wonderful things, soon we will notice what’s good and wonderful and lovely.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8

Third, show love and kindness to our loved ones. Now, I know some family members are harder to show love to than others, but remember we don’t know all they’re dealing with and the inner battles they face.

If you have young children, remember this time can be emotional and physical overload for them. Outbursts can be signs that it’s more than their young lives can deal with. Even good things can be overload for a child. Show extra love and compassion and understanding, they too are affected by family dynamics and “extra holiday cheer.” Be gentle with them.

If you have adult children, try to refrain from advice. Like my friend Jim Burns says in his book, Doing Life with Your Adult Children, “unsolicited advice is taken as criticism” for our adult kids. Instead highlight what you see in them that makes you proud and lavish them with praise. All children, no matter what age, appreciate affirmation and love and approval from us parents. Holding back advice may prompt them to ask for it when they need it. Maybe?

If you have older family and/or parents that can be trying, remember most of us are just doing the best that we can. Most likely they are not trying to be hurtful or rude, they just don’t know how to be thankful and cancel out sadness. Compassion for them and for yourself will go a long way to making the holiday thankful and joyful and glee.

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15-16

Thanks for visiting LuSays. Need a gift for the season? Check out books by Lucille Williams: Know someone who’s getting married? From Me to We would make the perfect gift. Want to give someone some fun laughs and a boost in their intimacy department? The Intimacy You Crave is a fun gift. Know a mom who could use some encouragement? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid.  And a perfect gift for the little ones Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6.