The Secret to Staying Happily Married for Decades

I have a husband. I like my husband. Of course, you do, you say, but I know many who don’t like their husband, or their ex-husband. (Get my point?)

I’ve been married for over 40 years. So, what’s the secret to staying married for decades and still liking your mate?

The secret is in the mundane every day. (The little nothings that you stop thinking about.)

Today, let’s think about the little nothings in relationship.

Three little stories…

Last week we (my husband and I) were on FaceTime with our son, who’s a dad of three. As we talked we sat close and my husband was “moving his hands around” which for us is normal and we didn’t realize I had moved the phone and our son could see. Suddenly Tim said, “Dad! What are you doing?!”

Oops! Sorry, son.

Yesterday our younger son was over and as hubby and I sat close on our sofa, and were “affectionate,” Joe said, “Do you guys want me to leave?”

Oops! Sorry, son.

Today while I was on the phone with our daughter, who’s a mom of two, I was talking about being an empty nester and how every room is like the bedroom. She said, “Ew Mom, that’s something you don’t want to hear from your mother.”  

Oops! Sorry, daughter dear.

Actually, sorry, not sorry. I’m not sorry your parents are still married and enjoy each other.

I’m also fortunate to be in a church surrounded by older couples who are still married after 40, 50, and 60 years. One common factor I see is that they like each other and enjoy being together.

I think of Kathy and Ed who when I asked Ed if he were nervous about his upcoming eye surgery said, “No, I don’t get nervous.” But then Kathy chimed in with, “I’m nervous.”

I think of Nancy Jo and Gene married for 66 years who roam around our church saying wonderful things about each other, and still doing ministry.

I think of Vicki and Dick who while Vicki gathers ladies for her upcoming ministry event her husband smiles and says, “My job is to help her behind the scenes.”

One common factor in all the long-term marriages I see is that they like each other.

Love your spouse unconditionally; be faithful; the couple who prays together, stays together; communication is key; date nights; fun; make time for each other; laughter…

Not going to argue with that list.

But where is like? Love is a given, if we didn’t love our spouse we wouldn’t have married them. What’s left after all the hormones and the love drug dies down?

Like.

Liking our spouse guides us to happily-ever-after.

If we focus on liking our mate, and being a partner one can like back, we are on to something.

When we like someone, we are kind. When we want to be liked, we don’t nag or criticize. When we like someone, we think of them and do helpful things. When we want to be liked, we look for ways to support and be an encouragement. When we like someone, we want to be close. When we want to be liked, we consider those around us.

We do this every day. Mundane. Day-to-day.

Happy couples love each other, and really happy couples like each other too. 

Turn mundane into exhilarating, thrilling, passion, and fun, by being a person who is easy to like.

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

– Ephesians 5:1-2

For more from Lucille Williams on marriage check out her books, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. Have kids? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace or Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.