The Saddest Word In the Dictionary

I was catching a fight, and as I was waiting to board, I noticed a young mom with a beautiful baby girl. My eyes fixed on this tiny little beautiful baby.

“She’s beautiful,” I said to the stunning mom.

This sparked a conversation.

All grandmother’s love talking about their grandchildren, and most new mom’s like talking about children. When I told Emma, (not her real name for the sake of anonymity) that her boarding group had been called, she replied, “I’d rather talk with you. I’m not expecting this flight to be easy with my little one.”

I wondered what would cause a young mom to board a plane alone with a three month old. I know some travelers can be rude to parents with crying kids on planes, but I told Emma not to be concerned, we all understand a crying baby. Or at least we should.

When I got to my seat Emma was seated directly across from me, which on a plane is right next to. One of those God orchestrated moments in time. I knew it was my mission to help this mom traveling alone in any way I could.

As we talked I learned why she was traveling alone, with a baby, and while she was still nursing. Her father had passed away and she was in route to the funeral. So often we judge people on planes with small children without knowing the circumstances. I mean, it’s not easy for parents with kids to get on a plane. We need to cut them some slack. Emma’s husband couldn’t travel with her, and she was braving it alone. Oh, and her husband, she did talk about what a wonderful man he was.

As we talked, we discovered we were neighbors. Maybe not within walking distance neighbors, but within a 10 minute car ride neighbors. We talked about kids, we talked about family, we talked about church.

“I don’t know what it’s like to be a family with a mom and a dad” Emma told me, “I’m learning how to be a wife and a mom.” She paused, and I could see the sadness in her face, “I still remember the day my dad left. My parents got divorced when I was only three.” There it is. There’s that word. Divorce. That terrible, horrible, ugliest of words. It devours families. It’s leaves a wake of sadness. It devastates children. It leaves mom’s and dad’s abandoned to raise their kids on their own. It leaves men and women heartbroken. This one word bothers me to no end. Some words are harsh, brash, or trashy even. But then there are some words that cut, scar, and wound. It gives me a gut punch every time I hear this word spoken. Some words cause a physical reaction deep inside. Some words need never be used. Kids pulled between two that love them, but not each other. Children watching their parents divide everything—including them—lash out in pain. I’ve seen it over and over again. I want to close my eyes. I don’t want to watch.

What happened to until death do us part? What happened to in sickness and in health? What happened to in good times and in bad? What happened? What are we looking for? Is it happiness we search for? Happiness in marriage is illusive. How do you define happiness in marriage anyway? How does one obtain a state of happiness?

Happiness is a state of mind. It’s a feeling. It comes from within. If one is not happy with oneself, one cannot be happy in one’s marriage. What are we reaching for when we say we want to be happy? How about joy? Contentment? Those, one can obtain.

We can have joy when we choose to love.

We can be content when we focus on God and the gifts he blesses us with, unendingly. To love another unconditionally is what brings joy and contentment.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

-Romans 13:8-10

Laws? Judgements? Commandments? “Love is the fulfillment of the law.” We are called to love. In 1 John 4, it tells us that “God is love.” We were to born in love, born to love, and born for eternal love.

I’m not pointing fingers, I’m grieving. I’m grieving the sadness of that ugly sad word. I know there are countless who did not make such a sad choice. My dear brother or sister, the choice was made for you. And to you I say, my heart breaks along with you. But to those of you on the fence and considering choosing a “happiness which takes you away from your family” I implore you to look within for joy and contentment, and focus on love.

As we waited for our luggage I was able to meet Emma’s mom. This wonderful woman traveled to be with her children for their dad’s funeral. She was there only to be a support, she would not be attending the funeral herself. Now that’s a Wonder Woman. Mom of the year! She traveled to another state to be there for her children during the funeral of their dad, who had left them so many years ago.

The true heroes of today are single parents.

What brought Emma’s mom miles away from her home? Love. Love brought her.

Choose love today. Love all out, my friend.

Fondly,

Lu

For lifelong tools for marriage order a copy of “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Subscribe toady for weekly messages of encouragement.