Suicide and Church Leadership

Once again, this past week I heard of another pastor committing suicide. As many of you, I am deeply saddened by this tragedy. How is this possible that this happened—again? Many of us are asking the same question. I think if we dive into the struggles and complexities of church leadership we may find some answers.

Now, I am not a pastor, but I am married to one, both my son and son-in-law are pastors, and I’ve held leadership positions in the church. There are certain pressures that come with leadership, and many times we feel as though we have a role to fulfill and certain expectations to uphold.

Please understand I am not at all saying that we are not to strive to follow God’s will in our lives and have a life which reflects Jesus. What I am saying is sometimes simply to be human can be a mark against you if you are a leader in the church.

As a leader, who do you go to if you are struggling? Where do you share your deepest sorrows? How do you get healing for wounds when so much of your time is spent leading and helping others?

Sadly in the church I’ve seen pastors scared to be real people because in doing so they risk losing their position. Sometimes a bout of burnout can result in losing your ministry and even having to look for another pastoral position at another church. It’s no wonder pastors keep their struggles hidden. If your livelihood and the livelihood of your family is threatened by your emotional fortitude who wouldn’t keep it buried and do your best to work it out alone?  

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

Jesus came alongside. Even when Judas had betrayed him and stole from the loot bag Jesus still washed his feet. (John 12:6)

Jesus accepted people in their weaknesses. He embraced the woman at the well and never turned his back on Peter. (John 4 & John 21)

Jesus loved those who reached out to him. When the apostles had struggles, Jesus did not send them packing. (Mark 10, Matthew 16:23, & Matthew 17:16)

The more we all follow the example of Jesus, and embrace and love others, the more leaders will be able to be transparent and honest with who they are.

The message of the Bible is clear. It is a message of love and acceptance and redemption. Our churches need to reflect the same.

We all need to find a place where we can be our true selves.

We all need to have people around us which whom we can share our weaknesses and struggles.

We all need people who will love us the way Jesus loved others.

May we all find this kind of love and may we all extent this kind of love—leaders, pastors, mothers, grandfathers—all of us.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”

-Psalm 143:8

Lucille Williams is the author of “From Me to We” and “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes”  order a copy today. Subscribe to LuSays for weekly encouragement.