Owning Your Hooey In Marriage

In all of our meaningful relationships, and especially in marriage, being willing to look at yourself through reality eyes will guide the health of the relationship. I don’t know about you, but I can be really mean, mean to the point where I’m embarrassed to share just how mean.

I’ll be engaged in a conversation with my husband, and then, suddenly I pull out a figurative dagger and toss it with precise accuracy.

Why do I do this? Why?

And since I know I’m capable of this, why does it keep happening? Why? 

At the core, I think I’m mad. And why am I mad? I’m mad because I’ve been hurt.

When I allow a hurt to fester to the point of anger—girl!—I’m in trouble.

Principle one: Pay attention to hurts.

Principle two: Deal with all hurts FAST.

As soon as we allow rubbish to fester, it grows bigger and takes on a life of its own, and then, causes havoc—in our life and in the lives around us.

But here’s the thing…

We’ve all got rubbish to own up to.

And this brings me to what I think is one of the most, if not the most critical marriage tool one can have in their tool belt.

A set of tools…

A marriage accountability mindset…

• The ability to recognize unkind words or actions. A person can be so stuck on themselves that they don’t even recognize when they hurt another. This is a dangerous place to reside within relationships. When we’ve been unkind, we need to have enough self-awareness to see it. Keep your vision 20/20 in this area.
• The ability to admit when wrong. We are all wrong from time to time. I am wrong A LOT. I hate being wrong, don’t you? Which oftentimes makes it hard to admit, because we hate being wrong so much that admitting it feels like multiplying the ugliness of the wrong. But in actuality, admitting our wrongs softens them. Admitting a wrong takes the power away from the ugliness of it. Admitting a wrong swings open the door of reconciliation. Admitting a wrong shows our vulnerability and humanness. When you think of those you admire, I’m willing to bet what they all have in common is the readiness to admit when wrong.
• The humility to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Acknowledging a wrong is one thing. Owning it and asking for forgiveness is another. Acknowledgement is a good first step, apologizing is the completion of that step.
• The willingness to turn from unkindness. We can recognize our own unkindness, admit to our slip, and apologize for our wrong, but if we continue to repeat our offenses it’s like a pig wallowing in toxic mud. Figure out where you took a wrong turn and figure out how to make a different turn next time. Get to the core of the infraction and eradicate it.

A good healthy relationship starts with you.

The only thing you can control is…

YOU. 

Instead of looking for how our mate has offended or hurt us, we need to hold ourselves accountable for behavior that really needs admitting and apologizing for.

We all stumble.

We all fall.

We all make mistakes.

Learn from mistakes made and plot out a coarse to correct and do better and be better.

It’s never too late to do an about-face.

In marriage, and in our prized relationships, we need to have a heart that’s not only willing to forgive but is willing to own our nastiness pride unkindness hooey.

This will give you the best relationships which cultivate honor and respect and love.

Fondly,

Lu

“From Me to We” by Lucille Williams is not just for engaged or newly married couples, it’s for everyone—because it’s never too late to work on your marriage! Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.