Never Enough
I was having an especially rough week. Since the release of my book I’ve been feeling like no matter what I do it’s just not enough. No matter how many radio spots or author events I book it’s just not enough.
I’m not enough.
I’m not good enough.
Do you ever feel like that? Like you’re just not enough?
Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? You need to do more. You need to try harder. You need to finish one more task.
I had blocked out a week to work on my talks for a retreat and all I’d been able to accomplish was scrubbed toilets and sparkling mirrors and vacuumed floors with few words scribbled on paper. Fear of writing down only the “right words” paralyzed me. Knowing I’d do whatever it took to get it done, I allowed myself to be temporarily paralyzed by fear—fear of not being enough.
And then, while at church, I “accidentally” ran into my friend, Rita, who is one of the sweetest and most kind people you could ever meet. She asked if I had time for a story.
“Yes, of course.”
Little did I know “this story” was exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly what God needed to tell me.
Years ago, Rita had purchased numerous copies of a book of a well-known author. She passed these copies out and God multiplied the books. (Much like in John 6 where Jesus multiplied the little boys lunch of five loaves of bread and two small fish.)
The impact of the books Rita had passed around had been God-sized. She told me stories of individuals and families who had been profoundly influenced.
Then, out of nowhere, she ran into this author in a restaurant. Not wanting to disturb, Rita decided she would not be a “fan” and leave the author alone to enjoy her lunch. Feeling pulled by the Lord she decided to toss out politeness…
“Excuse me, I will not take up too much of your time. I just wanted to tell you a story of how your book impacted countless lives…”
As Rita spoke tears began flowing from this author’s eyes. Rita was not disturbing her in the least—she was blessing her. And, as my friend continued her story tears began to flow from my eyes. I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t control the tears at all. This story was for me. As my lovely friend finished she said these words, “If your book restores one marriage, even though you may never know, you’ve done what God called you to do.” She gave me a hug, and sweet words were spoken as we went our separate ways.
Barely able to contain myself, I ducked into an empty room to pull myself together.
I’ve been concerned about numbers and tallies and charts when what I need to focus on is the reason I wrote this book in the first place, and where my heart has been all along. To celebrate the gift of marriage and to allow God to use me for whatever HE wills.
I will probably never know, this side of Heaven, what God will do with what I offer. All I need to do is be faithful with what God has entrusted me with. A marriage could be saved on the other side of the world. All I am is a vessel. What God does, or doesn’t do, is all in his time and in his vast plan. I am called to mere and utter faithfulness and trust.
How about you?
Do you feel overwhelmed?
Do you feel like you aren’t enough?
You are enough because God says you’re enough.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we should walk in them.”
-Ephesians 2:10
If one marriage is strengthened by words on paper, that is enough. When we count numbers it’s never enough. When we count people it’s always enough.
One is enough.
Fondly,
Lu
Lucille Williams is a speaker, pastor’s wife, mom, proud grandma and the author of “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be.” Join Lucille June 2-4 at Angeles Crest Christian Camp for their annual Mother and Daughter Retreat. Put in your email address in the subscribe button to keep in touch!
