Marriage, Is It Worth It? 6 Points
As I sit in the lobby of the physical therapy center while my husband receives the treatment he needs for his recent knee replacement surgery I think about our many years together and the many challenges we’ve had. I’m thinking about marriage because I’ll be speaking about marriage soon at an upcoming conference. What should I talk about? Do I talk about how we all struggle in marriage? Do I talk about how much I struggle in my own marriage? Do I share how this current season I’m in has been grueling? Watching someone you love go through major surgery and then recovery and physical therapy is painstakingly difficult. Opening doors for the man who’s been opening doors for you for over 35 years is sobering. Watching your hero suffer is grueling. Seeing him unable to walk and function like he used to hurts my heart.
Marriage goes through different seasons. Each day has hills and valleys all to themselves. How do we keep the fireworks flying through difficult seasons?
- This will pass – When difficult challenges arise it is easy to fall into thinking and feeling like you’ll be stuck in it forever. This is especially true during times of disagreement. Our feelings can begin to lead us down a path of discouragement and despair. We must think about truth and not allow our lying feelings to take over. Remember every season passes.
- Remember the good times – In marriage, particularly when you’re in a valley musing over the high points will change your perspective. When we allow our minds to dwell on challenges and not on victories we’ll soon find we’re in a deeper and deeper pit. But, when we continually focus on good, and the good times our eyes begin to see the beauty in the ordinary.
- Always be improving yourself – Our marriages will only be as good as we are as individuals. Two people coming together are only as strong as the two separate people. Yes, we are one, but we are always two separate people. Always be working on making yourself a new and improved version.
- Refrain from pointing the finger – Noticing what our partner always does wrong is a dangerous practice if you want a happy, thriving, and steamy marriage. Looking for imperfections in your mate and areas where you wish they would change will keep your heart sick. On the flip-side when we look for good stuff in our partner we will see more and more. It’s like when you buy a certain kind of car and then suddenly you notice your car all over the place. You’ll be seeing good stuff all over the place regarding your one and only.
- Think back to when you were dating – A skip back to memory lane can give us a recharge shot, especially when we think about how we treated our mate during that time we were dating. Sometimes what we are receiving from our spouse is merely a reaction to how we are treating them. Think about ways you can up your game and surprise him/her with acts of love to rekindle your marriage keeping in mind how you treated them while you were dating.
- Look to your future together – If you made no changes, how would your marriage look in 10, 20, or 30 years? Small tweaks can make for huge dividends in your future. Choose an area in yourself and your marriage where you can make an improvement. Pick up a book, start a workout program, change your look. Make him/her breakfast in bed once a month, schedule a date night, surprise them with a gift or a trip.
Marriage is an ongoing endeavor. If we neglect our relationship, like anything else, it will begin to deterioration. A prospering marriage takes strategic energy, time, and constant care.
Is it worth it?
I think so.
What do you think?
Fondly,
Lu
Lucille Williams is the author of “From Me to We,” pick up a copy today. Give us your email address and receive weekly updates. Join Lu for “The L.A. Conference for Women Who Influence” at Shepherd Church October 13th.
