Marriage and Communication
We’ve all heard it said that a marriage will rise and fall on the communication skills of each couple. From the time we say, I do, we have heard that you need good communication for your marriage to last. From the pulpit, from our parents, from our friends we’ve heard the backbone of a thriving marriage is communication.
We know it.
So why is it so hard to master this skill?
Why?
Let me start by saying I felt like a bad wife. After forty years of marriage, I felt like I was failing miserably.
We bought an air fryer. This thing is amazing. I’m not doing a commercial for air fryers or anything but seriously, How did I live all these years without one?
I follow a plant-based diet. And my husband, well let’s say, a meat-based diet. He’s more the norm than I am. I know I have weird tastes when it comes to food. For instance, for lunch today I had a cheese with avocado, arugula, and sun-dried tomatoes sandwich along with sauteed mushrooms, mini bell peppers, and kale on the side. I loved it, but if I were to serve that to my husband he wouldn’t be happy at all. In fact, he most certainly wouldn’t eat it.
As you have already concluded our mealtimes can get interesting.
Since the arrival of our air fryer, we both have been trying different things. Most evenings my husband will pull some meat out of the freezer and create a new dish for himself. As I’d watch him my un-comfortability would rise.
I’d tell myself…
You should be making your husband dinner.
And…
You’re a bad wife.
And…
He might be mad at you for not making him dinner.
Night after night I’d have these thoughts but wouldn’t say anything about my internal dialogue.
Then, one night as he was eating his chicken, I said…
I feel like I’ve been a really bad wife because I haven’t been making you dinner and I feel like you’re upset with me.
This is what he said…
If I wanted you to make me dinner I would have asked. I like cooking and I’m enjoying using the air fryer.
Why had I been torturing myself with a story that wasn’t true? And to take it one step further, why do we feel like we have to fit into the Ozzie and Harriet marriage model and gender bias roles?
Each marriage is as different as each individual person. We all make our own paths and follow our own journeys.
The key is to communicate along the way and be open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. Eventually I got there, sadly it took me way too long.
But the important point is that I did finally communicate and open up about my negative self-talk.
How about you?
Do you need to trust your partner with true vulnerability and openness?
Take that step…
They may surprise you.
“If I wanted you to make me dinner I would have asked.”
– my husband
For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. And on preorder Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.
