Manipulation In Marriage

I can be really good at manipulating my husband—actually I’ve gotten proficient at it. Knowing him so well, I always have an edge. And at times I use it for my advantage. Oh, I’m always able to talk my way out of it though if I’m ever found out, but truthfully, that’s rare. Like I said, I’m proficient at it.

Last night at my Codependents Anonymous meeting the writing prompt was:

“Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.”

The counter and healthy choice is:

“I am content to see others take care of themselves.”

Here we go…

Initially I felt like I wasn’t too bad on this one.

But…

When I thought a bit more I realized this comes out with my husband more than anyone.

Sometimes I’ll give him advice and put it this way…

“I know you know what’s best and I probably don’t know what is best and you should probably do what you think…“

BUT…

Then, I’ll give him the advice I want to give, as if my precursor gives me a free pass.

I see now that’s just very crafty manipulation. Advice is advice. Just because he’s my husband doesn’t mean all bets are off.

And now, getting to the point, after I pass out my advice, perhaps I do feel resentful if he completely declines my advice…

Maybe not “perhaps,”

I guess I do.

So there you have it, manipulation at its best. Manipulation and marriage are not good bedfellows. And “conniving” will most certainly makes its way into the marriage bed—as well as all areas of marriage.

So, if you recognize this what’s one to do?

The first step at getting better at our “craftiness” is to first admit it.

Admit it.

That’s step one.

After that, I guess the next step would be to do better. And correct yourself when you find you’re sliding back into old patterns that are destructive for your marriage. 

That’s what I’m going to do.

The better YOU you become the better your marriage will be.

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