Looking For Good

“My mom says things about my husband, and then, I go home and think about it and see it.”

That’s what I heard her say. I was baffled and asked, “Why would you listen to that?”

We find what we look for. Especially in our marriage.

My husband has faults—everyone does. I don’t need anyone helping me look for faults.  

Also I don’t need anyone helping me see my faults and shortcomings. Without question I have a much longer list than my husband does. And I’m so glad he’s not looking for them or pointing them out.

Finding fault with our spouse doesn’t bring about anything good. Listening to others be critical of them, especially our moms, will not enhance our relationships.

Don’t give a platform to anyone who talks smack about your mate.

That’s my practice. And I hope it is yours, too.

Let’s break this down…

“My mom says things about my husband…”

Stop it right there and ask yourself, “Is this true?” “Is this what I want said about him?” “Do I need to listen to this?”

No, we don’t need to listen to such talk. Thanks Mom, I understand you’re concerned, but let’s not talk about that.

“And then, I go home and think about it…”

Taking a suggestion and letting our minds ruminate on it can be very destructive. Even if there is any truth to said statement, break it down and take it apart. He’s not like that often, and I know he means well. Turn it around and think of all the good things about him. Think about your last embrace, his tenderness, his kindness, his helpfulness. Think on what is good about him.

“And see it.”

Her mom put a suggestion in her head and then she looks for it and sees it. We see what we look for. “He was rude when…” And then the next time he’s quiet we see it as rude…when really, he’s just being quiet. “He didn’t look out for you when…” And then, the next time he’s tired and wants to go to bed early we see it as he doesn’t want to talk and check in with us….when really he’s just tired.

When he does something considerate…notice it and show appreciation. When he compliments you…take it in and thank him. When he is helpful…be aware of it and praise him.

We see what we look for.

I do not need any help finding fault or things to complain about. What I need help with is training my mind to think on and appreciate all the good around me.   

I love those helping me look for the good in my husband, and in my life. Those are the people I want surrounding me. Don’t you?

Focus on looking for, and thinking on, the good in your spouse, and in your life. 

“Finally, brother and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

– Philippians 4:8

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