Living a Lie

“I felt like I was living a lie inside our fishbowl life,” Mary Jultila writes in her book titled From Hectic to Healthy co-authored with her husband Craig Jultila. Have you ever felt like that? I certainly have.

There are days when being married to a pastor is secretly painful.

“How are you?”

“Doing fine…great…yeah, everything is peachy.”

And yet, moments earlier:

• Ran into someone who would not speak to you because of a decision made by your husband, which had nothing to do with you.

• Got yelled at by someone who did not want to follow the safety procedures for the children.

• Put your foot in your mouth and had apologies to make.

• Had a “fight” with your husband…I mean “discussion.”

• Inadvertently blundered, with many eyes watching.

• Caused one of your children to be really mad at you.

• Counseled someone sharing grief and tears.

• Found out that your kids wouldn’t be coming home for Christmas.

• Just realized that a church event conflicts with a family event, and you will be flying solo again.

• Found out that your anniversary fell during the summer program…again.

• Slipped-up in an area of weakness…you thought you had overcome.

And yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We all need help. We all need God. We all have “stuff” we need to lay at the foot of the cross. One step at a time, I will move forward accepting God’s grace and mercy, offering it to others by His power and His love. I will accept the challenge of being me, with my many flaws, and live honestly and as genuinely as possible. Who’s with me?

If you pass someone in the hallway at church, and they pause when you ask, “How are you?” say a prayer for them. If it’s me, say two.