Improving Communication in Marriage

I’ve been working on allowing myself to feel all of my emotions. Somewhere along the way I learned to stuff certain uncomfortable feelings. Especially anger.

Can you relate? At all?

If I felt mad I’d stuff it down as fast as it came up. Learning to accept all of my emotions can be a challenge. It’s okay to be mad or upset, it’s what we do with those feelings that can become destructive.

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

-Ephesians 4:26

There was one stuffed angry feeling which I not only pushed way down, but also let the sun go down on it for about five years.

Yes, five years!

Roughly five years ago my husband and I were shopping and I saw this beautiful plush fluffy robe that I wanted—really wanted. Knowing Christmas was just around the corner, I pointed it out and let him know I REALLY wanted it.

He got the subtle hint.

On Christmas morning he had this beautiful plush fluffy robe wrapped and under the tree. When I opened it, there was a slight problem. Yes, it was the robe I wanted…but, it was a short robe and not the full length one I really wanted.

Should I say anything?

Nope. Better to just stuff it in and be thankful. I mean, isn’t that what you do when getting a gift? Say, thank you and be appreciative. Especially in the moment. Perhaps later there’s a time to ask for a modification, but not during the unwrapping process. Right?

Well, I never said anything.

However, every time I would put on the robe, I’d feel angry with my husband. Now, I know I’m risking sounding like a spoiled brat here, but in the interest of honesty and full transparency, I’ll take that chance.

I felt mad, every time I’d put on that stinkin’ robe.

It reminded me of the one I wanted and didn’t get.

Then I’d have a conversation with myself that would go something like this…

You need to be thankful for the one you have. It was very sweet of him to get you what you asked for. But oh, how I wish he would have gotten me the one I wanted. Why didn’t he pay attention to what I really wanted. Why hadn’t he cared enough to pay attention? If he was really thinking of me, he would have gotten me the one I wanted. Why would he do this?

And then…

I’d stuff it down.

And put it away.

Let me remind you that this was going on for about five years.

That is until recently.

I reached for the robe one morning and put it on. As soon as I felt it on my body, I started feeling angry…and my legs were cold. The longer I wore the robe the more angry I was getting. I ended up treated my husband horribly that morning. I wasn’t telling him what I was really upset about, I was just taking it out on him in other ways. And I stewed, and stewed.

Talk about not letting the sun go down on your anger, I was way beyond one sunset. I was up to 1,826.21 sunsets! 

This can’t be good for a relationship.

Finally, I said something…

I blurted out… “Why did you get me a short robe when I wanted a long one?”

His response, “Because I love looking at your legs.”

And added, “But If you’d like a long one, I’ll get it for you.”

If I felt like a fool before, I felt like a 1,826.21 day fool now.

I wasn’t mad anymore. Nor did I want a new one. The robe I have will do just fine, thank you.

And I had some explaining and apologizing to do. 

Communication in marriage…

We can always work on it and do better.

 For more marriage tips order a copy of “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes” or “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Get weekly updates and SUBSCRIBE to LuSays today.