How To Be Thankful For THAT Difficult Relative During the Holiday Season

We all have one, that challenging relative we hardly see during the year, but it’s the holiday time, and well, they’re family, right? You love this relative, and yet, anytime you see him you kind of brace yourself because you never know what they will be demanding of you this time. Or she brings up that exact thing you are most sensitive about. When are you going to have that baby? Why are you still single? Why haven’t you been promoted? My you’ve seemed to have put on some pounds since last year. Or you’re too skinny, Why don’t you eat more?

You know what it is, it’s the button in side of you which causes your insides to churn.

How do we prepare ourselves to encounter this loved one? Can we really be thankful for this person?

Well, we can try.

Here are 5 tips..

• Be realistic. Don’t enter the holiday wishing or convincing yourself they will be different this year. Usually, past behavior will dictate future behavior. Don’t expect that this relative will be different this time expect them to be the person you remember and embrace that person. Be ready for the off handed comments or unrealistic demands and have a plan how you will respond…in love. When we expect something and are ready it doesn’t throw us off guard. Be prepared. Rehearse if needed.
• Be willing to work on you. When things pop up that causes us angst it pinpoints areas about ourselves which need work. No one can make you feel any way without you allowing it to happen. Just because someone does or says something doesn’t mean we need to react in a negative way. If things do pop up, use it as an opportunity to question why it affected you like it did. Perhaps this is the exact guide you need to fix something within you.  
• Recognize you may be more like this relative than you like to admit. Oftentimes the little things which bug us the most about others is the very thing we dislike about ourselves.
• Pray for this relative. When we pray for someone it reminds us that they are human just like us, and we all need Jesus. Praying will also put us in the right mindset to be loving and caring, and it can help fix whatever resentment we may have stored up.
• Find a way to bless this family member. Every year I host a Christmas Eve brunch at my home. In years past my focus was on making everything perfect, and especially to win the praise and seal of approval from my mom. (I am not at all saying that my mom is my difficult relative, she’s not, this is an illustration.) However, I would turn the whole Christmas Eve brunch into a reflection of me and my worth, and the benchmark was pleasing Mom. Each year I tried different food dishes, pulled out the china, baked like a madwoman, and spent hours contemplating and planning. The focus was on trying to create the perfect brunch. If Mom was happy, then the celebration was clearly a success. Until finally I asked myself these three questions… “How can I bless her?” “What would she really like?” and, “What would make her really happy?” And I got it. The answer was… Mimosas! My mother loves mimosas, in fact it’s one of her favorite things. So, every year as soon as she arrives I hand her a mimosa. Trying to make everything perfect was more about me than it was about my guests, and once I let that go merriment was ushered in via a little sparkling wine and orange juice. Cheers!

This is the time of year to reflect and be thankful. We can be thankful for all God has given us, even the difficult people if we dig deeper and find a way to embrace and love everyone. And likewise, be thankful that your family loves and embraces you.

Be thankful, my friend, be thankful.

Fondly,

Lu

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