Do Your Homework Before Saying “I Do”

Danielle Diebold had no idea she was marrying a man who was a sexual predator. Living in Pennsylvania, Michael Diebold was the police chief, and recognized as a hero. Danielle stated she was happier than she had ever been and said her husband was a fantastic husband. Until… she found out he’d been arrested for soliciting sex with a 14-year-old girl. Bam! Crash! Boom! His online activity was beyond embarrassing.

Another sad tale…

Curtis was doing work at our home. As a contractor, we trusted his work and reputation. He and his wife were very active in their church, and seemed happy and solid. Curtis pulled my husband aside and shared that his wife had been cheating on him, and wanted a divorce. Say what?! He had no idea. He was happy in his marriage, and thought she was as well.

How do you avoid finding yourself in such an awful scenario?  

The bottom line truth before we continue is that there are no guarantees in life. We can marry what seems like “the perfect person” only to find out we are married to a sex offender or a person with a wandering eye gone wild.

Were there any signs? I’m sure this is the question of everyone who marries, and later finds themselves in the throes of betrayal. Betrayal, sorrow, and anguish which most of us will hopefully never understand.

If only people came with big red signs.

Look Out!

Warning!

Proceed with Caution!

Maybe they do…

Before you leap into marital merriment, there are steps one can take during courtship which can help you make wise decisions.

Here’s the biggest problem when we first enter into a romantic relationship…

It’s like we are on drugs. Our brain floods with “love” chemicals which hinders “reality” thinking. This is one reason we need to date a person for a good period of time to see all sides of our love interest, and give all the chemicals time to calm down.

We need to listen to friends and family. Even the slightest concern needs to be given serious contemplation. You need to understand, most friends will not tell you if they dislike your significant other or think they are bad for you, because they fear losing your friendship.

And family?

They know that causing any waves could lead to isolation after the walk down the aisle. Frankly, parents want to be able to see their grandkids. They may speak up, but most likely will speak softly and cautiously. Pay attention!

Ask yourself these questions about your true love:

Do they have self-control? This bleeds over to marriage.

How self-focused are they? In marriage, we are looking for a partner with a servant’s heart. If they are serving others, they will be that way to you, too.

Do they have trouble committing? As in, do you see them jumping from one thing to the next looking for “what will make them happy”? Are you just one of their jumps?

Take this Marriage Material Quiz to see how they score for a potential partner.

Again, there are no guarantees, but the more effort and reality checks you cross off, the better chance you’ll find yourself in a happy, thriving marriage.

What does a thriving marriage look like?

A thriving marriage is one where both parties are looking out for the interests of the other, and are willing to serve their spouse. Although, marriage is not about you being happy, those who are most happy in their marriage are people who work at being the best spouse they can be. Entering into marriage with a mindset of achieving happiness is a dangerous mindset. See Dealing With Hurts In Your Marriage for a fun little story about some nitty-gritty in marriage, and not one of my proudest marriage moments.

When entering into a marriage covenant one must look at the character and integrity of the one they’ve fallen for, and not be overcome with romantic ideologies. Character–“the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual,” according to Siri,–and, integrity, transfers over to all areas of life, especially marriage.

Here’s the good news…

When two people work on their relationship, accept each other as is, don’t point fingers but look within, that’s when the magic happens.

That’s when the enchantment you see in movies happens for you.

That’s when you fall into happily-ever-after.

That’s when you’ll experience forever love.

Fondly,

Lu

Join a community of grace spreaders and subscribe for weekly updates. Order a copy of “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be” by Lucille Williams, it’s not just for engaged couples, it’s for married couples, too.