How a Husband Can Win at Marriage

Recently I received a comment that I frequently write about how women need to be a certain way for their husbands but lack posts how men can up their husband game. My paraphrase by the way. And yes, that is very true, I do tend to write more for ladies, being one myself. But not today, today, this one’s for the men.

Let me begin by saying I think men have the harder job in a godly marriage. Their mandate from God, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25), is an almost impossible task. In marriage one needs to lay down their selfish desires daily and consider the other. Lay down the remote, the spurs, the game, the fishing pole, the wondering eye, the phone, and zero in on the woman you committed to love until death—extra wrinkles lumps, bumps, dumps, and all. And those wise men out there who have learned to cherish their wives know it is well worth the effort and love, and most likely have wives who treat them like a king. And yes, I wrote king. Does that sound good to anyone?

First a story…

My husband and I had a morning appointment. After our appointment Mike pulled into the parking lot of one of my favorite coffee houses. I instantly began to cry. Why? Because he was thinking of me and it said, You matter, I value you, I love you. It touched me deeply. Does he do this type of thing often? Yes, but for some reason on this day it really spoke to me. Maybe because in his current season of extra busyness, I felt seen, I felt noticed.

Which brings me to my first point, dear husband, be present.

Be Present.

Be present with your wife. Put down the distractions and give your beloved the attention she deserves. No one enjoys coming second to a mobile device or anything else for that matter. Look for ways to let her know you’re thinking of her—daily.

Be understanding.

Words like gentle, kind, soft, considerate, accepting come to mind when I think of the way a husband needs to treat his wife. You chose her because you wanted a wife, a woman, a lady, always remember to treat her like a lady. If she’s running late find something to do while you wait for her; and be thankful you have a wife who puts effort into her appearance. I know many who roll out of bed and throw on sweats and hit the ground running. Is that what you want? I didn’t think so. Be thankful for a beautiful wife.

Be helpful.

Men, I mean no disrespect when I say this: It’s not her job to clean up after you. Pick up your socks for goodness sake! Empty the dishwasher. Or even better, do the dishes, and please, please, please take out the trash. Please be helpful around the house.

Open up.

Do your best to let her in. Share your thoughts and feelings. Most women can discuss and sympathize and empathize with another’s feelings, do your best to share yours with her. Express your needs and wants. Ask for what you need. Ask for what you want. You may be surprised at how willing she will be to grant your requests, especially if you attach an emotion to them.

Romance her.

Some of you are already saying, OK I’m out! Don’t check out on this one. It’s not as hard as you may think. It just takes a bit of effort. When you were dating and pursuing your wife there were no mountains you wouldn’t climb to win her over. Remember that mindset? Go back there. I know you want to be her hero and make her happy, romance will get you there.

Here are a few simple ideas:

• Ask her on a date, and then plan the whole thing. Reservations etc. She will appreciate it. But for those few foolish women who might complain about the choices you made, gently remind her that you planned it for her and need appreciation, and if she wants you to continue to plan dates then a thank you would be in order. I pray this doesn’t happen. For those wives reading, Ladies, applaud all efforts and say thank you a million times. Do you want him to do it again? Ah-ha, be grateful.
• Surprise her with a gift. It can be flowers or lotion or earrings or lipstick or chocolate or whatever. If you need help deciding, ask her mom or one of her girlfriends. Study her and watch what she likes, so you know what to surprise her with. My husband surprises me with dresses, shoes, and anything else he notices I’ve expressed liking. My appreciation pours over like hot lava. Hot, hot lava. *wink, wink
• Give her an hour. Carve out an hour and sit down with coffee or tea or whatever, and give her your undivided attention.Tell her how much you appreciate her and how pretty she is. This wouldn’t be hard to do, but to her this is romance on steroids.
• Cook with her. Plan a meal you can cook together. Don’t know how to cook? Be her sous-chef.
• Bring her coffee or tea in bed. Get up before her, and bring her favorite morning drink to your bedside. For you overachievers out there, make breakfast. You may end up being breakfast if you’re lucky. But don’t expect that, just offer your selfless kindness because you love her.
• Be creative. Here’s your formula…time, consideration, pursuit, action. Give her your time, be considerate to her needs, pursue her, and take action.

Cherish her.

She is your one and only. Cherish her like your most valuable treasure. After all, isn’t she? Some men forget this after 10, 20, 30 years in. Those wise husbands out there who make it to 40, 50, and 60 years know cherishing their wives will make for a happy home. Always remind her—and yourself—how valuable she is. Cherish her with actions and words.

You asked her to marry you. You vowed to stick it out with good and with bad, and to love, honor, and cherish her…always. No matter what else you do in your life this is your highest calling.

Begin each day asking yourself this question:

How can I bless my wife today?

This honors God and your wife. It’s a WIN, WIN…and I know you like to win.

Win at marriage.

Fondly,

Lu

Lucille Williams is the author of “From Me to We.” Order a copy today. Subscribe to Lu Says and get weekly updates.