From Me to We | Lucille Williams Shares Marriage Advice with Refreshing Candor, Humor | Part 1

WRITTEN BY AMY MORGAN

I had the most wonderful opportunity to be interviewed by Amy Morgan from Marriage Initiative with the tag line of: Strong marriage, strong family, strong community. I couldn’t agree more. Amy wrote this article after our interview.

From Me to We | Lucille Williams Shares Marriage Advice with Refreshing Candor, Humor 

Part 1 

WRITTEN BY AMY MORGAN

People want to win in their relationships – it’s a common denominator whether couples are just engaged or have been married for decades. Lucille Williams has experienced this desire firsthand — as a church ministry leader for more than 25 years and a pastor’s wife, she’s heard her share of stories. Lucille draws from these experiences, along with her own now 41-year marriage, to deliver wisdom served with a heaping helping of humor in her podcast, free “Marriage Material Quiz” and two marriage books,  From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom-to-Be and The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes. Lucille’s a women’s ministry director as well as a trained Prepare/Enrich Marriage Facilitator and has published several other titles including her recent children’s book, Turtle Finds His Talent.

Getting to know Lucille is easy – the energetic and vivacious author holds little back from her refreshingly honest and down-to-earth description of her own marriage. You can hear about her journey on her Focus on the Family interview that was noted as one of the Best of 2018, tales she also includes in From Me to We. Lucille doesn’t mince details. Married at 19, she shares her husband’s projectile vomiting incident on their honeymoon cruise with good grace, using it as an analogy to describe how the reality of married life sunk in – literally. She reveals her struggle with an eating disorder when she advises not to keep secrets from one’s spouse. And she addresses sexual intimacy with candor – both its importance in marriage and the truth that sometimes the wedding night doesn’t live up to a newlywed’s expectations.

She hopes to help couples dispel myths and move from self-focus to operating as a team. Lucille recounts that when she and her husband, Mike, first started their marriage, the odds were stacked against them – they even had a nasty fight on their wedding day!

“The chances of us making it were so slim with all the obstacles and baggage we had,” she said. “We didn’t know how to do marriage, and we were horrible together. We had to learn how to treat each other well and how to be in a marriage.” After Lucille got help for her eating disorder and they both became Christians, their trajectory changed – they weren’t perfect, but they were moving forward together.

“When we first became Christians (five years into marriage) we realized we needed to fix our marriage. I thought it was all him, then I realized it was also me,” Lucille said. “Whatever struggles you have as a single person are going to be amplified in marriage – and your spouse has a front row seat.” She realized it was time to take care of her “side of the street.”

“You need to look at yourself and say, ‘Would I want to be married to me?’ ‘Would I want to come home to me?’ ‘Would I want to be talked to like that?’ Check yourself every day.” She’s found through her years in church ministry that women struggling in marriage tend to complain about their husbands. Her counsel, “Own your own stuff.” Sometimes she’ll tell the wife, “I think you owe your husband an apology. I think you wounded him. Go to him and tell him you’ll work through it. Take responsibility for your end.”

She advises people to take care of themselves so they can bring their best selves to the table. “If you don’t come to marriage as a whole person, you don’t have much to give,” she said. Forgiveness is another key area.

“Your spouse will hurt you, and you will hurt them. You have to be an expert forgiver if you are going to be a thriving marriage.”

Lucille encourages others with her own example. “We (she and Mike) both have gotten help for all our stuff, and we do the work to deal with things. Marriage for us is better now than in the beginning stage.” She noted a store clerk recently asked the couple how long they had been dating because, even after 41 years of marriage, they were still acting like they were in love.

Realizing her dream to be a published author has been a relatively new phenomenon for Lucille. She spent the first two decades of marriage raising her family and serving in ministry. Encouraged by her teen daughter, she decided to pursue writing. After a few false starts pitching ideas to publishers, she was invited to write a book for pre-married couples that eventually became From Me to We. Lucille was able to glean content ideas from a wide array of volunteers readily available at the megachurch where she was serving in children’s ministry. She’d ask the singles what they wanted to know about being married then survey the young marrieds about what they wished they’d known. Not surprisingly, the topic of sex was high on people’s list, one reason why the subject features prominently in Lucille’s books. She also was asked how to make one’s spouse happy and how to be a good wife or husband. People were happy to share the personal anecdotes that have found their way into her books.

The concept that “marriage is hard work,” has circulated widely enough in today’s culture that even before marriage couples have some idea that something needs to be done to maintain a happy and thriving relationship. The ideal time to begin laying a firm foundation for a future life together is prior to saying “I do.” An engaged couple looking for a good resource will do well to choose From Me to We. Lucille describes her own situation, “Jumping into marriage naïve and selfish, mixed with a whole lot of stupid, was a recipe for disaster and a prescription for pain. Somewhere along the way, God got a hold of me. I learned the key to fulfillment and contentment in marriage was shifting from ME to WE,” she wrote.

Please come back next week for Part 2.

Thanks for visiting LuSays. Want to win in your relationships? Check out books by Lucille Williams: On marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. Have kids? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace or Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.