Forgiving Yourself in Marriage
Have you ever noticed that oftentimes the person we have the hardest time forgiving is ourselves?
Something happened yesterday. It was awful. It was my fault. Totally and utterly my fault.
This is what happened…
My husband just recently underwent partial knee replacement surgery. I’ve been caring for him through his recovery. Last night we had arrived home from his chiropractor visit—which was an ordeal all of its own. Our first outing since his surgery and getting him down the stairs, in the car, out of the car, and into the doctor’s office was no small journey.
But we made it, and we made it back home.
Tired.
Tired and thankful to be back in the safety of our cozy home.
We needed to get Mike changed back into his comfy clothes and back on the sofa in our living room. As he sat in the chair in our bedroom we were making the switch from doctor visit clothes to couch clothes when I was having difficulty getting his sock off. As I tugged my hand slipped and my watch banged against the incision on his knee. He writhed out in pain.
As he said, “I’m not mad, I know it was an accident,” I chanted, “I’m sorry” over and over.
I know what you’re thinking, That’s one stubborn sock!
Or maybe, I’m one klutzy chick.
Maybe it’s a bit of both, or a lot of the latter, either way I felt beyond horrible.
A blood drop formed under his bandage which by the end of the night had continued to grow bigger and bigger. The ache in my heart grew with it.
By the morning it was larger than the night before.
When I saw it I gasped.
Mike immediately said, “It’s okay, I’ve already sent a picture to the doctor and he said it’s okay. If it bleeds out from the bandage then we have cause for concern, but for now we are fine.”
Fine?
But my heart’s not fine!
As I care for him I am reminded of my clumsy mistake every time I look at his now bloody knee.
He’s forgiven me.
But I’m having a hard time forgiving myself.
How could I be so clumsy?
Isn’t this often the case? The hardest person to forgive sometimes is ourselves.
We think back on all of the mistakes we’ve made in our marriage and hold it against ourselves. Holding on to it and torturing ourselves with offenses we’ve committed.
Just as we forgive others, we must extent that same forgiveness to ourselves. My goodness, we have all made mistakes and holding on to mishaps only wounds us from within. When we harp on our missteps we are more likely to weaken our souls and create shame.
God says forgiveness is for everyone and everyone includes us. We need to accept forgiveness the way we offer forgiveness. This will enable us to love completely and give of ourselves fully.
For now I will look at this bloody wound as a picture of forgiveness. He doesn’t hold it against me but instead offers grace.
It’s a picture of how God loves us unconditionally and offers grace daily.
Choose to walk in forgiveness.
Fondly,
Lu
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