Following Your Man

Following one’s husband can be a hot topic for many women—whether Christian or not. Most women want a strong and capable man who they can do life with. But what if you are married and the idea of “being subject” to your husband just turns your stomach? I get it. We as women are smart. We are highly talented. We are capable all on our own.

I have wall decor in my office which reads, “If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.” I love it. I love it so much. I’m not giving up my own thoughts and opinions to come under another.

Agreeing and following are two different things. Wouldn’t you agree?

And yet, being willing to yield to my husband is something I offer every day.

I’d like to put it this way…

There’s a 2006 movie that I love, Take the Lead starring Antonio Banderas playing the internationally known dancer Pierre Dulaine. Pierre teaches ballroom dance to New York City public-school teenagers. There is a scene in the movie where two teenagers find themselves “in trouble” with Mr. Dulaine, and they happen to be rivals. Rock (the male teenager) and LaRhette (the female teenager) can hardly stand each other up to this point in the movie and as a form of “discipline,” Mr. Dulaine instructs the students to dance together.

This is the scene…

Mr. Dulaine: Please, take the dancing position. Please…come on.

(They take their respective ballroom dance positions.)

Mr. Dulaine: Let’s see this. We are just going to move, very simply. Let’s just, uh, walk.

(LaRhette begins to push and shove Rock. Mr. Dulaine stops her.)

Mr. Dulaine: No no no. LaRhette, the man leads. It is the woman’s job to follow.

LaRhette: Oh, so if he gets to lead, then he’s gonna think he’s boss?

Mr. Dulaine: No, but he’s not. You see, the man proposes the step. It is the woman’s choice to accept by following. Now, to follow takes as much strength as to lead. Good? All right. Let’s do it again. Come on, come on! Now, rock just walk. Just forward, just walking. Yeah, forward. Just walking, like that. Here you go. Yeah, you know how to walk. Now walk back. There you go. You’re dancing, you’re dancing…

God designed a beautiful dance for husband and wife. The husband proposes the step and it’s the wife’s choice to follow or not. It’s a wise husband who will lead with gentleness and kindness and selflessness. It’s a wise woman who will willing yield out of love and respect. When the two follow God’s commands regarding marriage it becomes a beautifully exquisite dance. 

Mr. Dulaine said, “Now, to follow takes as much strength as to lead.” I’d add, it takes more strength oftentimes. Would you agree? And yet, when we do God takes our steps and guides us to a marriage which honors Him and blesses us.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

– Genesis 2:24

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

– Colossians 3:14

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