Five Biggest Hindrances to Physical Intimacy
God designed us to crave intimacy. If you do, you’re human—designed by God and perfectly crafted.
Then why can finding time for intimacy be such a struggle?
Here are five of those obstacles:
1. Body Image
After my kids were born, I gained a significant amount of weight. How much? Well. . .ahem. . .like fifty pounds. Okay, okay. Seventy. Yes, seventy pounds, as in seven-zero. It was rough. But you know what I learned? The weight gain didn’t slow down my husband’s desire or impede his fun. Maybe your husband isn’t as gracious in this area, but—his response aside for now—we each need to eradicate our body issues by attacking them head-on.
Many of us carry around a poor body image that keeps us from enjoying our husbands to the fullest—because of the way we feel about our own bodies. Body issues can become a barrier to sexual expression. . .if you allow them to. This barrier is so common to so many women. I urge you to dig deeper into this barricade and take it down.
2. Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a tool of Satan attempting to bring down a family years before a woman even says, “I do.” Our mighty God and Savior is greater and stronger than any evil force. We can experience healing and freedom from sexual abuse. We live in a fallen world and evil does poke it’s ugly head, if you need healing in this area reach out for the help you need.
If this is you, you are not alone, and I am deeply sorry. I know of many women who have gotten healing and restoration…and you can, too.
3. Anger
When I’m angry, my desire for “getting close” plummets to zilch. Can you relate? Anger, bitterness, and resentment are so very destructive. They can ruin your marriage and any fun between husband and wife.
My dear and godly friend Alice Zellmer—who’s in her eighties! —paraphrases Ephesians 4:26 this way: “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath; it will ruin your sex life.” Words of wisdom right there.
If you find yourself feeling angry often, please get to the bottom of the cause and don’t allow anger and bitterness to destroy your marriage. Take it to the Lord and ask Him to help you.
4. Unforgiveness
Marriage is a ministry of forgiveness. If you are married for any length of time, you’ll soon find that you need to become proficient at forgiving. Holding on to resentment will invariably block your libido.
The easiest way for me to prevent an unforgiving heart is to remember the many times my husband has forgiven me, and especially the many times my Lord has forgiven me. Way too many to count. If you do want to keep score, tally how many times your husband has forgiven you, and not the other way around.
On one occasion, I had spent the day fasting and praying and, in the midst of that, became aware I needed to go to my husband and ask forgiveness. Becoming painfully aware of how I had spilled my rotten attitude on him, I knew I needed to apologize. I waited until the following day while we were out to dinner alone. I told him what God had showed me. As I apologized, I began to cry. Before I could finish, he pulled me in close and held me. He forgave me instantly.
Never am I more attracted to my husband than when he shows me forgiveness. In turn, a forgiving wife is extremely appealing to a husband. (Nudity helps too.)
Think about that. The amount of forgiveness we desire is the same amount we need to extend. I don’t know about you, but I am a mess and need forgiveness often. Forgiveness serves as a strong anchor for any secure and healthy marriage. We are all in process and need understanding and forgiveness.
When your husband makes a mistake, forgive him and don’t hold it against him. He’ll love you for it and will probably show his appreciation in some way. Hurt feelings are a hazard of marriage. Don’t keep an account of wrongs suffered. Make the decision ahead of time to always choose forgiveness.
5. Boredom
Sex is boring; he always does the same old thing the same old way.
Wah-wah. . .
While at the gym one morning, I noticed a lady on a cardio machine in front of me. I thought to myself, Boy, she is always here at the same time, doing the same thing on the same machine. She’s in a rut! Then it hit me. I was behind her at the same time, doing the same thing on the same machine.
If sex is boring for you and you feel like you’re in a rut, then change you, and in doing so you’ll change the whole “moving furniture” equation.
Respond to him differently and you’ll change everything. One time I bought purple silk sheets and put them on our bed. That night as my husband got into bed, his pillow went flying across the room. Not exactly what I had anticipated. It wasn’t very romantic, but it made for a good laugh. And it definitely changed things up! Often during the night when my husband or I rolled over, our pillows would shoot out like missiles. It wasn’t long before we changed back to our regular sheets, but it was fun for a while. Even if things don’t go as planned, you can still have fun, even if not in an erotic way.
Fun leads to more fun.
For more marriage tips order a copy of “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes” or “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Get weekly updates and SUBSCRIBE to LuSays today.
