Finding Our Healthy Self
As a child finding love and comfort seemed to be a search for me. In my family there were love messages among the chaos. Yelling was an acceptable practice in my family. The volume always seemed to be turned up. One time the bakery made my Italian grandmother’s birthday cake wrong and all one had to do was mention the mistake, and Grandma would go on a tirade—she’d start hollering and carrying on. Oh, how I loved my grandmother. I thought it was funny at the time.
Both of my grandmothers cooked Italian food that was worthy of a Five Star restaurant. Even my great grandmother ushered us kids up to her house, which was above my grandmother’s house, to cook pastina for us. We called it “bastina,” because with her only knowing a few English words that’s what we thought she was saying. I was a mom before I realized it was called pastina. Basically, “bastina” was pasta with butter and it tasted so amazingly good.
Mom showed her love through food and cooking. There were always carefully made lunches packed for school and dinner every night. Saturday mornings were filled with strawberry pancakes with sour cream or specialty French toast or whatever special mom cooked up. My mother wasn’t the mom who did PTA or afterschool sit-downs with cookies and milk, but making sure we were fed—well fed, was her jam. It was her way of showing love and care. It was the only way she knew how.
Hence, growing up food and love were synonymous. Whatever the problem, food was the cure. For family entertainment, the kids would be gathered around Uncle Pat and watch him eat a big meatball whole as everyone cheered. Eating a lot was like wearing a badge of honor. “Look at her eat! God bless her!” I learned to use food to cope.
Good things can easily turn into bad things if we allow them to, most of the time without even realizing we’re doing it.
By the time I was a teenager I had developed an eating disorder. It took my husband and years of therapy to break free from it. I still have a love affair with food but it looks different now. I love to cook and I love to prepare healthy dishes. And I still love to eat and be around food, but I’ve learned balance and using food for fuel instead of food using me for destruction.
And more importantly, I’ve learned to accept me for me. And to give and receive love which has nothing to do with food.
Good healthy living means letting the good in and keeping the bad out.
Do you have a difficult time accepting yourself as you are? Showing love and allowing others to love you is a powerful gateway to self-acceptance.
When we are vulnerable with others, and show others who we are, we learn to let love in just by being ourselves. And when we love others unconditionally, fully accepting them just as they are, we offer the kind of love God gives us.
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
– John 15:12
If we can do this in our marriages—our marriage would be stronger.
If we do this in our parenting—our kids will have a stronger foundation.
If we do this with our adult children—our bond will get stronger and stronger.
For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. And on preorder Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.
