Feeling Loved – A Message for the Men
Since I was a young child I’ve felt as if I’m asking the world to accept me and love me and choose me. Maybe you can relate. And I find myself translating this to my marriage…sometimes in a destructive way.
Let me explain…
When I’d ask my husband for something, and he’d say, “Maybe.”
I’d feel unimportant.
When I needed a ride to the airport, and he’d say, “Let me check my schedule.”
I’d hear, you’re not that important.
When I asked if he’d be able to pick me up from the airport, and he’d say, “I’m not sure, let me see if I can work it out.”
I’d hear, “I don’t really want to be there for you.”
When I’d ask if we could do something together, and he’d say, “I’ll try.”
That awful-little-devil-voice in my head would say, “He’s not choosing you.”
Where does this come from?
I don’t know where those negative-annoying-spewing-destruction voices in your head come from, but, for me, it seems to go back to that lonely feeling of being left out.
My first memory of this was moving from New Jersey to California as a six-year-old little girl. We said goodbye to our extended, large Italian family, and I can still hear the wails and screams of the emotional goodbyes of that day, some forty years ago. As a young child I knew I would not be seeing my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins on a regular basis anymore and I would be left out of many family gatherings. That wound still seems fresh anytime I revisit the big family departure in my mind.
One day I shared what my awful-little-devil-voices were telling me in my head with my husband.
He didn’t say much, he mostly just listened.
Then, something happened that caused me to feel chosen and loved and special in a way I didn’t know was possible.
You see, I have a small medical procedure coming up—nothing serious—just need to get a funky looking birthmark removed. Appointments were scarce and I took the first one I could get. I sent my husband a text and asked if he could please accompany me to my appointment. Later that day he let me know he would be coming with me to my appointment in the morning, but that he had a meeting later that day in the afternoon. I was so thankful his schedule allowed for him to be able to come with me.
But then, a day later I found out that his 4:00 p.m. meeting on my “procedure day” was originally in the morning, and he went through great lengths to move it so he could be with me for my appointment.
He didn’t say anything about trying…
He didn’t say, He wasn’t sure if...
And he didn’t say, Let me see what I can do…
He just moved things around and made it happen.
He moved a meeting and made room for me. For me!
What it did for me and my little child wounded heart…
it filled it to the brim and overflowing.
When I tell you there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that man, I mean, nothing. I’d follow him to the ends of the world and dig ditches with him and be there when he’s sick and jump in whenever and wherever he needs help.
I guess I felt that way before, too, but now I really feel this way—I mean, really, really, really.
Showing up for your spouse can change everything.
Getting married or know someone who is? Do you want to set your marriage on fire? The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes by Lucille Williams brings relatable, real-life stories of everyday women that will challenge and equip you to work toward a greater intimacy that infiltrates every area of your married life. Pick up a copy HERE. As the holiday season approaches you may know someone who’s getting engaged, From Me to We would make a perfect gift. GET a copy HERE.
