Eternal Home

I had never been with anyone in the last few days before their passing on to their eternal home…

It was early Thursday morning when the call came in. My father-in-law was very close to the end. I had never experienced a call like that. I didn’t know how to feel. Does anyone? My husband and I quickly made arrangements to travel to California to say our goodbyes. We would be driving through most of the day. This gave me time to process my feelings a bit.

Unfortunately, anger seemed to take top billing. I felt angry that he was passing. I felt angry that he lived so far away. I felt angry that we had forgotten our vaccine records and might have difficulty getting in the medical facility he was in. I just downright felt angry.

Then I felt angry for feeling angry. I felt mad at myself. My husband didn’t deserve a wife who was feeling angry, especially during this time.

I sat in my anger.

How would I be when I saw Dad? Would I shrink away with uncomfortableness and fear? Would I break down trying to say goodbye? Would I be distant because I couldn’t handle my emotions? How would I be? How would I feel?

I had no idea.

I prayed.

When we arrived and finally walked into his room peace and calm enveloped me. I hugged and kissed him and held his hand and sat on his bed with him.

Even though he was in and out of lucidness we could tell he was very happy we were there. I got all my kids and grandkids on Facetime, and they got to say their goodbyes. It was hard and it was painful but again I felt peaceful. When I got my daughter on Facetime she was crying, and I shed a few tears with her. As I wiped the tears away, I had resolve and strength which surprised me. I was fearful that I would lose it, but I held it together.

As we sat throughout the days we were in his room, he would often look off into the corner of the room. It was as if he saw something. But what? I wish now I had asked him. He sat there and stared like no one else was in the room but him and whatever he was gazing at.

Could it have been a glimpse into heaven? Could he have been looking at an angel? Was Jesus calling him?

My father-in-law loved Jesus. He would often tell us he was praying for us and would proclaim, “God will take care of everything, and we can trust Him.”

As I sat in his room there wasn’t much that bothered me or irked me. The cares of this would didn’t seem to matter. At all. The meaning of life seemed to come into focus.

My father-in-law, Wally Williams, passed peacefully to his eternal home not much later. During one of his lucid moments, he had told me, “I know where I am going, and I know I don’t have much time left.”

Now that he has passed the grieving process has begun. As you probably already know, it’s painful and sad.

I will never again hear him say as he often told me…

“You’re doing good.”

“Keep up the good work.”

“I’m glad you told me because now I know how to pray for you all.”

“I love you, too.”

“Bye kiddo.”

Kiddo, it was always so endearing to hear those words from him—my father-in-law was “claiming” me as his daughter. “Kiddo,” I loved hearing it.

And not even a week after his death, a wonderful friend who I get to do ministry with, who is a bit older than I, when saying goodbye to me calls me “kiddo.” It’s like God is saying to me, “Don’t worry my dear child you are safe with me, kiddo.” 

And the meaning of life which came into focus for me?

People.

Relationships.

Love.

Kindness.

Everything in this world will pass away but God’s love will last forever and the way we love people and show kindness will last forever.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

1 John 4:7-8

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.