Connecting to Your Child’s Heart
“Bad Mommy!”
“You’re a bad Mommy!”
Those were the screams of my grandson to his mom and my daughter. Full discloser: I thoroughly enjoyed his heckling of his mom. I had heard many “mean girl” antics from my daughter while raising her. And she turned out great.
Why was he calling her names? He didn’t want to leave Grandma and Grandpa’s house. My daughter calmly said, “It’s okay buddy, I understand you want to stay longer, it’s okay.” She wasn’t fazed by his “Bad Mommy” proclamation. Instead, she talked with him and allowed him to express his feelings.
When we seek to understand our child, we are less likely to jump to incorrect conclusions. While leading a small group for teenagers, one of the girls said her mother had frantically accused her of doing drugs one morning because her eyes were red. Melissa exclaimed, “Mom! I am not on drugs! I was up late doing homework. If you don’t believe me, I’ll pee for you.”
If you’re tempted to overreact, ask questions and listen. In 1 Kings 19, Elijah vocalized his despair and exhaustion to God, and God was understanding and patient. Elijah said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of armies; for the sons of Israel have abandoned Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they have sought to take my life” (1 Kings 19:14).
Elijah had been running from Jezebel. He was scared, lonely, and weary. He was not being disrespectful to God, nor was he disobeying God. Our compassionate and loving Father gave Elijah instructions regarding which kings to anoint and who to anoint as Elijah’s successor. Obeying God once again, Elijah did all God had commanded him. Later, God did one of the most amazing things in the Bible: “Then Elijah went up by a whirlwind to heaven” (2 Kings 2:11). And let’s not forget about the chariot of fire!
Looking at God as the perfect parent, there is much we can learn. We need to listen and understand what is going on with our kids and not jump to conclusions. Seek to comprehend what is happening in their world and look at their heart. Oftentimes, we are ready to take on a battle when really they are just tired or need a little compassion.
When we focus on our relationship with our child, and seek to understand them, they will be less likely to rebel as they grow into a teenager.
God chose you to be the parent of your child. No matter how inadequate you might feel, God asked you to do the job. Be faithful, seek to understand, and make sure to listen. Connect to their heart.
Want more from Lucille Williams on this topic? Order a copy of “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.” For marriage tips “From Me to We,” and “The Intimacy You Crave” can help you get the relationship you dream of.
