COVID Took a Toll on Our Communication in Our Marriage…and I’m not proud of this

I’ve been getting mad at my husband lately. My feelings get hurt, and then, I get mad. It’s been from zero to one hundred in lightning speed.

He’s returned to working in his office and hasn’t been working from home. Oh, how I enjoyed the time he was able to work from home, but it has come to an end. Cue sad music.

Well, now that he’s not working from home any longer he gets home late like he always has in the past. I was used to it, and expected it. But recently, it’s been making me mad. No, I have to correct that—I’ve allowed it to cause me to be mad.

Last week, we picked a night to watch our grandkids and he arrived over an hour later than we planned on. I spent the hour fuming when I could have been focused on enjoying my grandkids.

Then, a few days later there was the object in the kitchen he said he’d put away, but forgot to. There it sat looking at me, and beckoning me to get mad. And I did. I got mad. I took a picture of said object, and sent it to him. Real mature.

And then, my epiphany hit.

I picked up said object and carried it to the garage, and while doing so, thought about what a great husband I had.

When I got back into the house, I wasn’t mad anymore. Leaving it in the kitchen would have only goaded me to stir up my anger instead of putting it to rest.  

And, his returning home later than expected earlier in the week, I know he never means to come home later than he says, it just happens. He works hard and loses track of time—I lose track of time, all the time, so I get it.

We both need a better system to communicate our schedules again, like we did before COVID.

It’s all about how we frame things, and communication. Knowing he always means well helps me reframe situations where I could be tempted to get mad.

It’s better to feel the hurt and make friends with your underlying triggers, no matter how uncomfortable the feelings are.

I can ask,

Why did this hurt my feelings?

Can I work through this?

Will a conversation help?

I can allow something to hurt my feelings without getting mad at him. I can work through said feelings and realize it’s about me, and not him.

I can say, “This hurt my feelings.” And then, work toward resolution. Anger doesn’t help.

Better to talk about feelings.

When we accept our spouse for who they are and recognize all of their wonderful qualities, many of those things that could cause us to become mad, are the very things we love most about our honey. You just need to look for it. And then, reframe the incident. And then, perhaps share your hurt feelings. And most importantly, remind yourself how wonderful your special someone is, and how much you love doing life with such an awesome person.

What we look for we find.

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