Communication in Marriage

My husband locked me out of the house today. I was completely locked out and couldn’t get back in the house.

We usually workout in the mornings together. We have a “gym” in our garage. Since Mike had to leave for work early, he decided to skip the gym, and head out early. Me, on the other hand, decided to hit the stationary bike in the “gym” in the garage.

Before he left he came out into the garage to say goodbye.

After I was done working out I walked back up to the side door of the house and it was locked. I started banging hoping to wake my sleeping son.

Nothing.

Frustrated I called Mike.

Nothing.

I called my son.

Nothing.

I text Mike, “You locked me out.”

Nothing.

I’m STUCK outside.

Finally, after my hand was red from banging, my son emerged and unlocked the door.

Apparently, he thought the banging was his dad with another project.

Point: He’s used to sleeping through banging.

Then, Mike called. After I was back in the house.

Here’s the thing…when you’re married there’s always going to be these types of interactions.

Did he mean to lock me out?

Had he not thought of me enough to remember to keep the door unlocked?

He obviously doesn’t care enough about me to have done this.

I’m going to be mad at him so he doesn’t do it again.

How do we not go down this destructive type of thinking when our partner does something which hurts us?

While I was outside I stopped for a moment and made the conscious decision to think through my predicament.

He had not done this on purpose.

It was an accident.

We all make mistakes…especially me.

It actually came out of a really sweet act of coming to kiss me goodbye, and then, after getting back in the house he locked the door, out of habit.

There’s no reason to be upset with him.

I decided when I talked with him I would let him know I knew it was an accident and he hadn’t locked me out on purpose.

And that’s what I did and he said, Thank you for saying that.

If we approach misunderstandings with the filter that our partner would never want to hurt us, or disregard us, our communication will go much easier.

Filter everything through…

They love me and would not want to hurt me.

Life will be much more peaceful and loving.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”

-Philippians 2:3

For more marriage tips order a copy of “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes” or “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Get weekly updates and SUBSCRIBE to LuSays today.

For more on this subject tune in to Conversations with a Pastor, Shepherd Church online, Monday, July 13 @ 7:00 p.m. where my husband and I will be talking about Healthy Communication in Marriage.