Children and Temper Tantrums

One of a parent’s worst parenting challenges is when your child throws a temper tantrum. I remember back to one of my boys at the age of four in the middle of the hallway of our home completely pitching a fit. He was crying, screaming, flaring his arms and body about, and pounding the floor.

I had no idea what to do. I called one of my mom-friends, held out the phone, and said, “Can you hear that? What do I do?”

Unfortunately, she didn’t have any real answers but she did offer empathy—which was very helpful at the time.

What do you do when your child is throwing a tantrum?

What I learned to do with my little ruckus rouser was leave him alone and let him have his “explosion party.” Eventually, he would get tired and calm down. After a few times with little reaction from Mom, it rarely happened again.

After he calmed down I talked with him about his behavior and listened to understand the cause. This same child is a pastor today. Even little tantrum throwers can turn into great men.

Does your child throw temper tantrums?

If so, what does a parent do?

The first step is to not get pulled into their tantrum. When this happens we need to step aside and take ourselves out of the equation. Stay calm. Don’t overreact.

Respond to your child’s overreaction with little or no reaction, calming the situation by being the neutralizer. Instead of responding with anger or aggression, strive to understand what is happening in your child’s world and causing such outbursts.

Some questions to consider:

• Do they get their way every time they throw a fit? Do you give in to avoid the embarrassment?
• Is your child not being heard? Are you taking the time to understand them and really listen to their concerns and struggles? Even a 2-year-old has valid thoughts and feelings.
• Are they getting needed love and attention? Is this a cry for help?

Simply paying attention to your child and listening to their requests can divert many tantrums.

One week at church I watched a little boy who wanted to look at something, but his mom resisted allowing the child to look at something four steps away, which seemed very important to this child. The child’s voice and emotional state was rising. A tantrum seemed soon to emerge.

My husband suggested complying with the child’s request, (which was just allowing him to look at the display which was there for kids to look at) and the tantrum was completely diverted. The crisis was taken care of in less than a minute.

If we as parents take the time to sit back and look at situations from our child’s perspective and not our own, we can find solutions to difficult problems.

As difficult as it is, the next time your child throws a tantrum, don’t look at it from how it affects you. Instead try to look through your child’s eyes and see if there is something you are missing. If you can understand your child’s heart you can help them navigate their feelings.

Parenting is hard. Let’s all join together as parents and support and cheer for each other.

Want more from Lucille Williams on this topic? Order a copy of “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.” For marriage tips “From Me to We,” and “The Intimacy You Crave” can help you get the relationship you dream of.