Are You Trying Too Hard In Your Marriage?

I heard an Olympic athlete say, “A goal set is a goal met.” Yoowza! Did you notice the word trying is nowhere in that statement? TRYING. Imagine if we used the word trying when describing a goal?

It would go something like this:

“Trying to meet a goal…[you fill in the blank].” There’s a difference between trying and actually heading toward a goal. Heading that way takes intention. Determination. Clarity. Giving it your all. Sticking to it. Never stop until you arrive at your destination. Perseverance.

Let’s translate this to marriage.

I had a close friend who was talking about her newly acquired husband.

She said, “I’m trying to put him first.”

I said, “Trying? Either you’re putting him first or you’re not.”

Now, if you think that was harsh, let me tell you we are still friends today. In fact, she recently said to me, “Lu, it’s great how From Me to We is doing. You’re doing author events and you’re on the radio and you’re speaking all over and… YOU’RE NOBODY!”

And I said, “I know!”

Genuine, real, authentic friends tell you the truth!

Friend, here’s the truth about trying:

In life if we are trying we are not doing.

I’m trying to lose weight…how’s that working out for you?

I’m trying to go to church…if your bottom is not in a chair at church, you’re not at church.

I’m trying to spend more time with my kids…are you or not?

I’m trying to read more books…uhhhhh? Either you’re reading or not reading.

I’m trying to control my temper…this sounds problematic.

I’m trying to read my Bible every day…on a scale of one to seven days a week how many days is your face in God’s Word?

I’m trying to sleep…you’re tossing and turning while your husband is sound asleep because he falls asleep thirty seconds (no joke!) after his head hits the pillow and you want to wake him up to share in your tossing and turning and…wait, I’m getting a little too personal here. Ha!

Friend, here’s a truth about marriage:

In marriage trying is the enemy of doing. 

If you’re trying to be nice…you’re not being nice.

If you’re trying to get home early…you’re not home.

If you’re trying to buy flowers…you don’t have flowers in your hand.

If you’re trying to make your spouse a priority…where on your ten-point scale are they falling?

Marriage is too important to try at it.

Don’t try.

Do.

Don’t try to be nice…

Be nice.

Don’t try to make more time for your spouse…

Put time on your calendar.

Don’t try to give gestures of love…

 Go all out and offer your all.

Don’t try to be an excellent wife…BE an excellent wife.

Don’t try to be a first-rate husband…BE a first-rate husband.

“A goal set is a goal met.”

Stop trying and make happily-ever-after happen.

Fondly,

Lu

“From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be” by Lucille Williams will help you obtain your happily-ever-after. Start doing and pick up a copy today. Join our grace-giving Marriage Matters community and give us your email address.