Affairs: When Have We Crossed the Line?

Infidelity.

Betrayal.

Cheating.

Lies.

Deceit.

Adultery.

What happens when “until death do us part” turns into “I just want to be happy”? Justification can take center stage and have a heyday.

When does a friendship, work relationship, or casual online friend get classified as an affair?

Sue met up with Doug every day at lunch. They both took their lunches later than the rest of their team and found themselves alone daily. At first, it was very innocent—talking about work related issues and the weather—but over time it turned into talking about their spouses. Sue shared with Doug about how her husband was grumpy much of the time, and how he’d say unkind things to her. Doug talked about his wife’s unresponsiveness in the bedroom. They shared intimate stories, empathized with each other, and comforted each other. They never did anything but have lunch together, and talk. Would you consider this adultery?

Dean spent hours messaging with Wendy over Facebook each night while his wife was at work. He was lonely and Wendy filled in the gap. Over time pictures went back and forth. Naked ones. What do you think? Was that adultery?

Melissa and Tom had gone to high school together. They reconnected at their ten year reunion and exchanged cell numbers. Even though they were both married they began a textual relationship and texted daily. Texts turned into FaceTime calls where they would disrobe for one another. They never met in person, other than at the reunion, would this be considered an affair? What do you say?

If you’re meeting up with someone in a hotel or having secluded lunches or “privately” meeting with someone or anything you can’t tell your spouse about or your kids, are you in violation of your marriage covenant?

What if you don’t want to tell them because “you don’t want to hurt them,” are you are in violation of your marriage vows?

If you’re spending time with someone of the opposite sex and they’re married or you’re married and you’re getting a sexual charge from your interaction would you tell your spouse about it? Would you keep doing it?  

Dangerous territory?

What are your thoughts on this?

How would you feel if your spouse were doing one or more of the before mentioned “acts”? Would you consider it adultery?

Let’s get personal…

My husband is a children’s pastor and the staff he works with is significantly large and mostly composed of women. Beautiful women. I’m not kidding, they are gorgeous ladies. And they are kind and caring and interesting. How do I feel about this?

Totally A-Okay!

I recently asked my husband a few questions thinking about recent allegations regarding a well-known pastor. I wanted to know how he conducted one-on-one meetings and impromptu “problems” when a female needs to talk with him.

What he said caused my respect and admiration to soar even more for him.

He told me he keeps his door open throughout most of the day and if anyone comes in for a “meeting” he leaves it open. Even when he has someone seeking pastoral counsel he is careful about where he meets and will often have another women sit in so he is not alone. Lunches with one of the ladies? Absolutely not. He wouldn’t even consider it. Not unless it was a group. Traveling alone with women? Not a chance. He just wouldn’t do that.

Nor would I.

If we are to keep our marriage strong we need to put a secure hedge around our union. What do you think?

Fondly,

Lu

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