Advice From a Comedian about Dating and Marriage
I once met two people. Both of them were dating men who I considered friends and also served in ministry with. While at church I introduced myself to both of the ladies. One was sweet and kind and we had a short but pleasant conversation. The other gal was very rude and cold when I tried to talk with her. Neither of them knew that I knew the men they were dating…until later. But that small window, before we were “formally” introduced opened up a huge view into the character of both of these women.
How do you really get to know the real person you are dating?
Comedian, Chris Tucker says:
“When you are dating someone, you are not really dating them. You are dating their representative.”
This is so true!
Do you agree?
When we are dating, we put out the best version of ourselves and we usually see the best version of whomever we are dating.
We date their representative.
His representative presents a man who is always attentive. He makes time for you. Opens your car door. Glances at you with “sparkling” eyes. Tells you what they are planning. He makes sure to shower and smell nice, and even grooms his nails. Eats at restaurants that you want to eat at. He makes reservations.
Imagine that?
Her representative is doting and cooperative. She always looks her best. Laughs at your jokes. Appreciates your attention and effort in choosing where to go for dates. She wouldn’t be caught without makeup on or in clothes that don’t flatter her figure. She is agreeable, non-contentious, accommodating, and says thank you often. She smiles, and is always happy to see you. Cheers for you at your ballgames, sitting in the stands with glee. And then points out your best plays of the game. Her representative presents a woman full of respect and adoration. She overlooks mistakes and compliments your strengths.
How wonderful!
What’s a person to do to see the true person and not just their representative?
One way is to watch how they treat others. Ask around and ask your friends and family who they are in their presence, and what they have observed.
How a person treats people will shed light on who they really are.
Pay attention to how they treat others and not just how they treat you. We need to be mindful that they are putting their best version forward. True character comes out over time. Which is why dating relationships need time to brew and churn and marinate. You will see glimpses of who they really are if you look for it and ask others for their input. Other people will see things you don’t see. Check out this Marriage Material Quiz to see if you may have found a keeper.
What about those of us who are already married?
How about bringing back your representative? Can you think back on how you were when you were dating? Is that person long gone? What were the things that caused this version of yourself to vanish?
Maybe you can get it back?
A good check on ourselves is to ask: How would I treat my spouse if we were dating? It’s a good goal to reach for each day, don’t you think? We declared “For better or for worse.” If we each work on putting forward “better” and accepting “worse” we’d all have happier marriages.
For better or for worse.
And get our always and forever love.
Fondly,
Lu
Most put huge amounts of time and energy preparing for the “big day.” But what about after? Prepare for happily-ever-after and order “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. Subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.
