A Letter to My Husband on Our Anniversary

Dear Husband…

Another anniversary, oh how the years have flown by. As I sit across from you at an elegant restaurant—the kind with white tablecloths and linen napkins—I think to myself that I’d marry you again.

I’m surprised that I have a bit of “first date” jitters coupled with a comfortableness that allows me to pull out floss to retrieve the kale that got stuck in my teeth.

I’m dumbfounded that you still find me as attractive as the day we got married. (At least that’s what you tell me over and over, and I think I’m starting to believe you—I want to believe you). I wonder if you’ll still say that when I’m 90? Please do, even if you’re fibbing a little.

I’m enchanted that our love is stronger than ever and to onlookers we might look like a couple who just got married or just started dating. I guess they call that the honeymoon phase, and I love being in that phase with you even though it’s been 40 years.

Even so, we both know it hasn’t been easy.

We both have had to fight for our marriage—and fight fiercely.

In fact, we started with a fight…

On our wedding day over the phone, we spewed horrible words at each other and temporarily “called it off” for about 5 minutes. Five minutes that could have changed our history forever. Five minutes, which if we allowed those awful words to take over, would have meant that our children would have never been born, or our grandchildren, and we would have never had these amazing and miracle like years to be our journey.

Yes, we’ve fought hard, and we’ve loved hard.

But we didn’t just fight in a bad way…

No.

We fought in a good way too…

We’ve fought for time together, keeping each other a priority.

We’ve fought for kindness, looking to serve the other daily.

We’ve fought for forgiveness, giving the other the benefit of the doubt.

We’ve fought for closeness, never allowing another to come between us.     

We’ve often been asked…

“How do you make marriage work?”

And

“What’s the secret sauce?”

How would I answer those questions?

Our biggest “secrets” are…

• We forgive freely, and we don’t hold grudges. We forgive and let it go.
• You let me be my crazy self and I let you be your kooky self. We accept each other for who we are and are not trying to change the other.
• We make “connecting” a priority. “And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
• We love all out and don’t hold back. We accept each other and fully embrace the other for who they are.
• We honor God as we honor one another.

On this day so many years ago, I said, “I do” and today, my dear husband, I say, “I do and I do and I do.”

For more from Lucille Williams on marriage order a copy of “From Me to We” and “The Intimacy You Crave.”For tools to parent your strong-willed child order “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.”