40 Years

Yesterday was my 40^th wedding anniversary. The night before our anniversary I couldn’t sleep which brought me back to the night before my wedding day. On that night I was crying because I feared I was making a mistake, on the night before my 40^th anniversary I was tossing and turning because I drank too many espressos the day before. Hubby bought a new coffee gadget, and it makes great coffee drinks.

And I found myself awake through most of the night. Forty years prior I was a young girl scared out of my mind crying and saying to my little sister I was marrying him because “I loved him.” Forty years later I lay awake because of a silly choice to overdo it on the coffee.

 At nineteen did I really know anything about love? I sure know a lot more now.

At nineteen I didn’t know how hard marriage would be. I mean, I had a clue, hence the tears, but did I REALLY know?

Does anyone?

Marriage is one of those things that until you fully immerse yourself in it there is no way you can fully know what it will look like. How your life will change. If life’s challenges will pull you together or pull you apart.

On that night forty years ago, I was asking myself, “Am I making a mistake?” And now forty years later, I was asking myself, “Did I make a mistake?”

And I tossed and turned.

If I could go back and change my yes to a no, would I?

I thought through all of our years together.

Marriage is hard. I’ve felt as though my heart was pulled out of my chest more times than I’d like to think about.

But marriage is also one of the most rewarding promises—if not the most—a person can make. I have felt loved. I have walked through hard times with my best friend. He has never waned in his love for me. He has been there for me even when my ugly side came out. We have been a team. A team who has cheered each other on through all of life’s unpredictable circumstances.

We allowed life to pull us together and make us stronger.

When my husband walks in a room my heart still leaps a bit. Just to have him near me brings me such joy and comfort and warmth. And when I look into the eyes of my kids my heart overflows with thankfulness.

If I could go back, I would say yes, yes, yes all over again.

Yes, marriage is hard, but it is worth it beyond compare. Most of the time the things we work hardest at bring us the greatest reward. With marriage I would say this is definitely true. Wouldn’t you?

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for weekly encouragement.