LuSays

Lu says, "Let's talk."

16 Jun 2013

Father’s Day Tribute

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In honor of Father’s Day I would like to dedicate this post to my dad.

Daddy, thank you for:

  • Moving our family to California
  • Taking me to Disneyland
  • Bringing me with you to the hospital when you got stung by a bee and “thought” you couldn’t breathe
  • Buying a pie for my 4th grade teacher while at a fundraiser
  • Taking me to the outside slide at the mall and going down it with me in a potato sack
  • Taking me with you to pass out flyers for your business
  • Playing blackjack with me, while Mom was at Bingo every Wednesday night
  • Driving me to school in your new cars
  • Taking me to your Breakfast Optimist Meetings
  • Tucking me in at night
  • Driving me and my friends to Skateland every Friday night and picking us up late
  • Not yelling at me when I scrapped up the side of your new car when I first started driving
  • Teaching me how to ride a bike
  • Rushing me to the hospital numerous times because of a stomach ache (really I just ate too much, but you didn’t know that)
  • Paying for my braces
  • Taking me to church even though you didn’t believe in God
  • Teaching me to do my best and not give up; you always said, “If you throw enough mud against the wall somethin’s gotta stick.”
  • For teaching me your Golden Rule—“If it’s free you take it.”

I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day!

Posted in Family and tagged , , | Leave a Comment
11 Jun 2013
2 Comments

I Want, I Need

I want this…I need that…we are a culture that is never satisfied; enough is never enough. This becomes an even bigger problem when we allow this mentality to seep into our relationships. We focus on what our significant other is not doing, instead of focusing on the positive attributes they bring to the relationship “table.” It is like a relationship buffet with a table full of foods you like, but you focus on the one thing you find distasteful.

I specifically didn’t reference marriage in the above paragraph because I think this mentality starts in the dating relationship as well, setting a tone that can later become a monster. People date with the outlook of what they can get out of the relationship. They ask the question, “What’s in it for me? Am I getting what I need?” I recognize that to some degree one must do this; however, I believe many relationships are approached with an over emphasis on self.

Usually when someone seeks me out for relationship counsel, they want to talk about what the other person is failing to give them. It is extremely rare to find that gem of a woman who asks, “How can I be a better girlfriend? How can I be a better wife? What can I bring to this relationship?”

love noteMany times I have heard, “I want a man who treats me like your husband treats you.” And, yes, I can totally appreciate why someone would say that. He takes me shopping, he surprises me with new dresses that fit perfectly, he leaves me endearing notes around the house, he sends me texts during the day, he makes time to talk with me, he helps with the house, he…he…he… he sounds perfect! Looking in, things can look and sound perfect, but bluntly put, our relationship is based on mutual selflessness. And quite frankly, it is not perfect.

And now, getting to the bottom line of my editorial is that relationships, good healthy relationships, are based on selflessness and not self-centeredness.

Christ-centered relationships are about selflessness and not self-centeredness.

By nature we are self-centered people, but in order to have the connectedness we desire, we need to fight the beast within us, with the unquenchable appetite that rants on with, “I want, I need.” Instead, focus on what you can bring to the banquet, turn yourself into the best girlfriend/wife you can be. I’ll bet it won’t be long until you find yourself in the “perfect” relationship.

Posted in Marriage and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
04 Jun 2013
4 Comments

College Regrets

I didn’t finish college. I do not have a college degree. There I said it. Now it is out there for the world to know. Deep inside I have always felt as though I somehow was not a full person without a degree, a bit embarrassed to tell others. I loved school and I wanted to finish college, but when my daughter was born I made the decision to focus on raising her and then my other two boys—diving straight into motherhood. I didn’t want any regrets with regard to my kids, but instead I exchanged that for a regret over my education, or lack of.

That is until recently. I was talking with my daughter-in-law, who on that particular week had a bigger paycheck than my son. And the reason that is noteworthy is because he has a degree but she does not. Not because she is not smart enough, on the contrary, she is brilliant. (After all she did marry my son.) And she was at Baylor University receiving a partial academic scholarship—which is quite an accomplishment.

I asked her if she planned on returning to college. She said, “Why? I love what I am doing. The people I work with have degrees and make the same or less than I do. What would be the reason? I am doing exactly what I want with my life, and a college degree wouldn’t make any difference.” Now here’s the best part: “I want to be a mom someday and what would be the use in going into debt for a college degree when I have what I want?”

She possesses so much wisdom at such a young age. She is totally right! Think of how many college graduates you know right now without a job. Think of the many college graduates in debt for thousands of dollars. Think of the many adults you know who are still paying off their student loans, many years into the progression of their family.

To be so grounded at such a young age and know what one wants is nothing short of amazing and extremely impressive.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWhy do we push our kids to do what we think they should do? I have talked with countless young people who say that adults have discouraged them from pursuing what they want in life. Either because they don’t think they will be able to make enough money or because adults think it is not practical. Let me ask you: When do we ever have enough money?

But a fulfilling life-path—doing something that you enjoy and are passionate about—that is a reason to get up in the morning!

Please understand me, there are many professions in which one needs a college degree. No one wants a doctor or a lawyer without the proper schooling. However, encouraging young people to pursue something they love is a concept that seems to be a lost practice.

Which brings me to my final “a-ha” moment. Why have I been regretting a choice I made years ago? A choice I made that was the right choice at the time, a choice that has brought so much joy and so much happiness. The choice to give all of my energy into being a wife and a mom was the right choice without a doubt. And now, many years later, I have amazing children, and a brilliant daughter-in-law, who all love God, love life, and are thriving, productive people—and that is the biggest blessing in which no degree could ever bring.

No regrets! The only regret was allowing myself to have regrets, and it took one very smart, grounded and godly, young “daughter” to talk sense into this sometimes-dense “older woman.”

Live with no regrets and encourage others to do so as well!

Posted in Perspective and tagged , , ,
27 May 2013
2 Comments

Hero

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“And then a hero comes along…”

Today, on this Memorial Day, I would like to reflect on whom I consider heroes:

  1. My father-in-law who fought in World War II
  2. A special young lady, my daughter’s best friend who is only 25, and is a police officer
  3. My husband, who puts up with me everyday, and is a man of character and integrity
  4. The man who pulled my son out of the ocean when he was caught in a riptide
  5. My dad who moved our family across the country to give us a better life
  6. The countless men and women serving in the military and the veterans from years past who selflessly defended our freedom

On this day take time to reflect on the many heroes in your life and be thankful for their service to you. If it were not for them we would not be enjoying our blessed lives.

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” –Albert Pike

Posted in Perspective and tagged , , , , , , ,
21 May 2013

Ode To Single Parents

I have a new appreciation for single parents. My hat goes off to all of you out there!

My son in high school recently took part in a program at school that required parent participation. My husband had pneumonia, and although we had planned on participating together, I had to go solo to the multi-event program.

Walking into rooms, dinners, and assembles solo, instead of with my husband, was a bit unsettling. When you walk into a room—with most paired up by two’s—you feel out of place.

Attending a dinner created much trepidation in making a simple decision as to where to sit. When usually, walking in and finding a seat would have been done without much thought. After making a decision, the couple I sat next to talked in another language and only to each other. I changed my seat after getting my food so as not to endure any more rudeness. (And if you’re thinking that maybe they didn’t speak English, that was not the case, because when asked to speak by the principal they could speak English just fine.) Really? Give me a break! So rude! I ended up wishing I hadn’t chosen to sit at their table.

The kindest thing that happened was during an assembly. While sitting next to two other moms, both with their husbands and families, they welcomed me. “It’s okay,” they said when it became clear I was alone, “you can hang with us. We’ll take care of you.” Finally I received acceptance and kindness. Later I discovered one of the couples had been recently married, having gone through a previous divorce, they probably knew all too well what it was like to fly solo at school events.

The kindness of a stranger can go a long way.

After this experience I will not look at single parents the same way ever again. I’ve always had a huge amount of respect for them—having to carry such a tough load as both mom and dad. I know how difficult parenting can be when there are two parents working in unison, but how difficult it must be when the load is carried by only one.

For all of you single parents out there, I salute you. You are all champions in my book! And on behalf of all the rude “couples” out there, I apologize. Please understand that we are just ignorant—ignorant of the many challenges you face each day, and the difficulties single parents deal with in a sea of callousness.

For all of us who are not tackling parenting as a solo act, let’s be more sensitive to those who are. Let’s look for single parents and ask them to join us at our table…welcome them to assembles…include them in conversation…and say to them, “It’s okay, you can hang with us. We’ll take care of you.”

Posted in Parenting and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
14 May 2013
3 Comments

Mother’s Day…What’s it all about?

boquet of flowersDid you know that Anna Jarvis, the woman who campaigned for a Mother’s Day, got arrested during a Mother’s Day Festival trying to stop the sale of flowers? She was quoted as saying, “I wanted it to be a day of sentiment not profit.” Did you know that Anna Jarvis’ mother taught Sunday school for over twenty years?

Check out this link and video on the origin of Mother’s Day: http://www.chiff.com/a/mothers-day-history.htm.

Mother’s Day can be a tricky holiday. What can I do to let my mom know that I appreciate her? Most of us are asking that question every year.

And that is the right question. I think every mom would agree that what we want most is to know we are appreciated, that we are loved.

I have been blessed with three beyond amazing kids, well…not really kids anymore but definitely beyond amazing! They all showed me in their own individual way that they appreciate me.

Nonetheless, the appreciation that was most special to me came from my daughter-in-law. Why? Perhaps because I sort of expect my kids to feel appreciation for me, after all, I devoted much of my life trying to be Super Mom. Yes, I’ve failed, no one can be that—but I wish I could be Super Mom. But my daughter-in-law, she could ignore me if she chose to.

But she chose not to, and it was very special for me. We’ve all heard the mother-in-law jokes and snide comments. I would never want to be one of those mother-in-laws.  

At the end of the day, or in this case at the end of Mother’s Day, I have the best gift of all, and that is children who appreciate me everyday– Mother’s Day or not.

How was your Mother’s Day? How did you honor your mom? What did your kids do to honor you?

Posted in Children and tagged , , , , , , ,
07 May 2013
18 Comments

Are You Proud of Your Kids?

While watching a silly movie in which two teenagers switched bodies, I surprisingly found myself overcome with emotion and a flood of torrential tears.

What caused this kind of reaction?

football helmetThe scene was a high school football game. A mom and dad were watching their “son” play but their son was actually sitting next to them because he had “switched” bodies with a friend (don’t judge me, I told you it was a silly movie). The dad kept screaming, “That’s my son!” He was so proud. The son got to see first hand how proud and overjoyed his dad was. It made me cry.

Have you ever thought about the idea that usually our proudest moments with regard to our children are when they are not right next to us? It is when they are giving a speech, scoring a touchdown, stepping up and treating someone with kindness. We watch from afar, and they are not witness to our reaction and our feelings of being overjoyed with pride. We can tell them about it later, but they don’t actually see it. I think that is what made me cry, realizing that I probably have not done a sufficient job expressing my delight and pride for each one of my kids—in front of them.

Have you ever noticed that we usually brag about our kids when they are not around? We talk about them sometimes to the point that others probably would like to clamp our lips. For me, my kids are one of my favorite subjects—I could talk about them all day. And now that my son is married, my “new daughter” has been added to the bragging playlist as well. (Don’t ever ask me about one of my kids, because I could tie you up for hours!)

And yet, each one of my kids thinks that another is my favorite child. Truthfully, I don’t have a favorite. Sure, there are days when one is easier than another and if you were to ask me on that day, yes, I may have a favorite. Just kidding…

Perhaps the reason they all think I have a favorite is because I talk favorably about the one who is absent. In other words, I talk highly of each child to my other kids. When I visit my son in Texas, I talk about my other two back home, and vise versa.  Do you do that? Why do we do that?

Doesn’t it seem easier to express your feelings and pride for someone when they are not right in front of you?

On one occasion, my husband and I were having dinner with one of my father-in-law’s long-time friends. The friend turned to my husband and said, “Your dad always talked about you and your brother while you were growing up. Your dad is so proud of you.” My husband never knew his father did this. It impacted both of us profoundly.

Maybe today is a good day to tell your kids how proud of them you are? Maybe you can sit down and write them a letter expressing your delight over them? As for me, this letter is dedicated to the loves of my life. A mother couldn’t be more proud.

My kids are better than any Mother’s Day gift I could ever dream up! The best present on that day, or any day, is just to spend time with them. Who agrees with me?

Posted in Children, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , ,
29 Apr 2013
12 Comments

Just Helpin’ My Son Ditch School

I felt as though the weight of my inability to make important decisions were pressing down on me as I drove home from an appointment. It can be so easy to get caught up in the cares of everyday life and not stay focused on the most important things. Can you relate to this?

sandwhich copyAnd so I drove…but instead of driving home I stopped in the parking lot of my teen son’s school. I sent him a text asking if he wanted to go off campus for a lunch date with mom. It wasn’t long before I got a “yes!” back.

There I sat in the parking lot, my car windows down with a breeze gliding through and looking out at the beautiful mountains just in front of me. Psalm 121 came to mind and I started reciting it to myself.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.”

Thirty minutes later the lunch bell rang and the high school students that were leaving campus flooded the parking lot. I heard the “F” word no less than 6 times. How does my son maintain his morals and beliefs in this environment?

Joseph arrived at my car and told me that we could go anywhere, indicating that he didn’t need to be back by his next class. I said, “So, you want me to help you ditch a class?” He laughed and said, “yes.” I agreed to help him ditch.

He pulled out his laptop and read me his presentation that he would now be presenting tomorrow. I was in awe; his work was beyond his years.  He got to the end and said, “And I’m not sure how I am going to end it.”

“So, you weren’t ready for your presentation? I am gaining you one more day?”

“Exactly,” he replied, very matter of fact. I laughed.

We had a great time together eating and laughing and I got to hear many stories. (This was from a kid who replies sarcastically, “Amazing” to the question, “How was school today?”)

Suddenly “the cares of everyday life” didn’t seem so pressing. At the end of the day—or in this case long lunch—it is our relationship that matters most. What matters is that we have healthy relationships with the people who are most important to us.

I have a teenage son who is still willing to hang out with his mom, who maintains his love for God and holds to his beliefs everyday, even in a not so glorified environment.

Yes, I did help him ditch school, but what are moms for if not that?

Let your kids know they matter by making time for them…today…everyday. Don’t let the cares of each day rob you of what is most important.

 

Posted in Children and tagged , , , , , , ,
22 Apr 2013
6 Comments

You ARE Beautiful

I found this video on Simple Tom’s blog. It touched me, hope it does the same for you. You are beautiful. See yourself the way others see you. See yourself the way your husband sees you. Husbands, tell your wives how beautiful they are to you. Here’s the link:  You ARE Beautiful.

Posted in Perspective and tagged , , ,
16 Apr 2013
4 Comments

Marriage Will Rise and Fall On Communication

We think we are right until we take the time to really listen to the other person’s viewpoint. This was the case for me as I approached a sensitive subject with my husband. Truthfully, I didn’t want to talk about it because I thought I was right. And that being the case, there would be nothing I could do about it other than “hope” to change him.

I dove in and talked about it anyway. It went something like this: I feel like [fill in the blank] is happening and I was hoping we could change that.

His reply completely surprised me, because I hadn’t considered the idea that I was wrong, totally sure that I had it all figured out.

He said something like this: Yes, I am doing that. The reason is because I am reacting to you, and what you are doing and have done in the past.

I started to laugh. Not because I didn’t think it was serious or important, but because I hadn’t considered being wrong or being the one to cause the unwanted action that I was scared to even talk about.

Dumbfounded, “Wow, I am the one wrong here! How did that happen?” the shock left me spinning.

teacupsOnce the I-think-I’m-right-teacup-ride stopped, I was never so happy to be wrong! Now I could change what I was doing, and therefore, change the whole situation. Whew! So happy! So glad I brought it up! So happy to be wrong!

Communication. It is critically important in any relationship. The level of success in any relationship will be determined by the ability to have healthy communication.

Communication isn’t just talking and being understood, more importantly it is listening. Listening with no judgment, no agenda, and no bias, and listening in a way that everyone wins. Listening with your heart—a heart that says, “I love you”—and wanting what is best for you…for us. As soon as we listen to argue, or to be “right,” looking out for ourselves in a selfish way, we have already lost. We’ve lost the ability for healthy communication and possibly the ability for a healthy marriage.

It’s okay to be wrong—in fact, I am going to make it a habit.

Posted in Marriage and tagged , , , , , ,

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